Okay, here we go.....it's my very first mindsay blog.  What will I say?  What will everyone think of me?  Will all of my negative thoughts come out?  Will my deep dark secrets be revealed?  Will I even reveal myself?  It's all in the writing isn't it?  The way I see it, it will give me the chance to practice writing.  It will let me express myself and be creative.  But I won't lie.  I don't lie.  I may avoid the truth sometimes if I am not ready to open up.

The problem is, which "self" will I express?  Sometimes blocking things out is easier than facing it.  I know how to live in a fantasy world.  I'm reminded that I am a gemini all the time.  I mean, I don't live by it, but it's interesting and fun to explore.

So, there you go.  My first blog.  How can I be a mystery when I am an open book?  Can't wait to see if anyone reads this!!

If I could ever find a way

To rewind time to yesterday

Would I accept the things I've done

Or from my history would I run

Believe

To some, the world is to conquer

Others would rather explore

She says, "Love each other"

He says, "Go to war"

Examples give us forms of life

We see live and die

Flowers, butterflies, angels, dolphins

To each her on to cry

Believe in the spark that ignites

The flame to shoot the rocket

Take yourself deep inside

To gather the dream not forgotten

To me it seems divine feelings

Are apparent to everyone

I forget that "everyday people"

Have fear to overcome

Who put this fear in their hearts

Well, there is one to say

It is the force within yourself

To make you feel that way

Each being controls their destiny

Yet clueless to who holds the key

Open your mind, take control

And let your spirit run free

2/6/96

Today is the 5 year anniversary of my Grandad's death.  I have the priviledge of living in the house he left behind, the house he built himself.  We all miss him very much.  I just sat out in the back yard with pen and paper, and wrote this. 

In this house, he lived

In this house, he breathed

In this house, he slept

In this house, he walked

In this house, he laughed

In this house, he cried

In this house, he talked

In this house, he dreamt

In this yard, he mowed

In this yard, he worked

In this yard, he planted

In his life, he shared

In his life, he cared

In his life, he loved

This is the life

And the house

He built.

You carefully spin your web for me

And watch for me when the time is right

I fall right in just like you want

Sometimes I don’t even put up a fight

You know I’m caught and I’m your prey

I will be disposed of and resurrect

The web you spin magnetizes me

I usually jump right in without a net

Every time it happens the same

And I never think I can do it again

But you are waiting for me to fall

And I’m always waiting for you to win

My Own Creation

I am the founder of my own manipulation

I am the goddess of my rain

I’ll take passion and make it my obsession

I am the creator of pain

I have a forest of conflicting thoughts

I see freedom as a treasure

I can’t stop questioning myself

I can’t stop seeking out pleasure

Then I think I’m so sure of myself

Full of never-ending faith

And I can’t seem to get a hold of myself

My head can be such a maze

A walking contradiction is what I am

How can I get things straight

Just when I think that I am on time

Is when I find out that I’m late

11/01/01

Walk of Life

Strolling down the avenue

My curious eyes glance

Observing the morning dew

Looking at all the plants

Standing here on planet earth

I’m feeling so alive

Recognizing what it’s worth

To take a look inside

You can find beauty anywhere

On this earth and in your soul

Show yourself you really care

Let your spirit grow

Take a walk, read a book

Write your feelings down

Stop and smell the roses

There’s beauty all around

The Ocean Lets Me Swim

I fall with a splash

Underneath the surface

Deception fades

I’m sinking into beauty

I’m swimming into truth

Weightlessly drifting

Finding peace

Floating in the depths

Lifting my heart

Into this wonder world

With much color

My eyes absorb

The whole connection

Somehow breathing

Somehow functioning

Always knowing

It’s their world

Whatever I see

However I engage

Always respecting

With hopes alive

My heart pumping

As the ocean

Lets me swim

Love Tells

As a child we have dreams

Of what the future holds

We realize love is the feeling

That lets our life unfold

We can’t explain why we love

Nor can we say when

We meet the soul who is our match

And then our life begins

So as you travel through the rainbow

Everyday you know he cares

Even as the clouds appear

You know that he’ll be there

You take the steps together

You hold the world in your hands

And as you gaze into your eyes

Love tells you that you can

Okay....so I started off having a bad day.  Then a few of you helped get me going in the right direction *thanks* and I started picking up the house before work.  Cleaning (or at least the end result) always makes me in a better mood.  Then on my way to work I popped in Bob Marley.   How can you not get a little happier, or just forget about your problems completely when you listen to Bob?  I was listening to his Songs of Freedom disk #4....it's awesome.  It has 3 Little Birds on it.  Every little thing was alright.  :)

So work is fine and I'm pretty much all better.  One of my favorite dogs were there (I work in a grooming shop) named Valle.  She's a big beautiful Lab/Newfoundland Mix.  Her mommy (owner) died about 6 months ago and she still has sad eyes......so I always give her lots of lovin'! 

When I got home things were good, and I was so happy to see my son.  He was really happy to see me too, of course and I gave him lots of lovin' too. 

So my son was playing on this box right in front of us, and he falls and hits his head on the wall.  It's terrible when that happens, but I guess toddlers do it a lot.  So I scooped him up really fast like a super mom would do, and right about that time my Weimaraner Moby lunged forward and snapped.  His teeth pinched Noah's skin on his arm. (Something about the way Noah was crying and me picking him up fast, plus I think Moby was jealous) I might as well say he bit him.  I love my dogs, so it's hard for me to come to the realization that this happened.  It really surprised me because Moby and Noah have been getting along so good.  Moby is an inside dog and never spent a day outside in his life.  But my bf said he HAS to go outside now.  I understand.  Until I can get him used to it slowly, I just won't let them around each other.   It's fucked up. 

So of course I cried.  I'm sensitive when it comes to things like that.  Plus if you read my other post you'll know I already wasn't having a good day.

So I'm getting a headache now.  My bf is at band practice.  I'm gonna do my nightly ritual of puffing and go watch my recordings of One Life to Live.  Maybe it sounds pathetic, but it's going to do the trick for me.  :)

 Both of these were written years ago......being in love with someone you can't have fully is very painful. 

Someday

You come as close to the flame as you can get

The sweat pours off your brow and the night fades

You invade my soul and then run away

Into the distance, a world far away

Forgetting the passion you engulfed yourself in

To go be the person you are "supposed" to be

You, sharing the nights with the one you betray

I, holding the thoughts of our meeting that day

Baffled by what could destroy this cycle

Holding on to nothing and anything

I don’t want my strength to come

I know it’s not wise to feel this

But I will continue so we can be crazy

And hope that in the end

My soul will recover the light it needs

My heart will mend as the scars appear again

My mind won’t keep me up at night

Thinking of the two of you

And what we hide

Won’t let go….

But have to….

Someday…

Poem #2

Always

I'll always miss you

I'll always wonder

why

what could have been

I'll always argue with myself

on everything that's happened

my heart is locked with yours

in a world of many things

beauty

pain

fun

passion

friendship

missed opportunites

craziness

wanting what we can't have

accepting

I'll always wonder

I'll always miss you

Forget How To Cry

Help me, Lord; I’ve come to see

The ways that I have chosen

Lift me way up to the sky

So I’ll forget how to cry

I will feel the breeze within

It seems that time will begin

To take the track it should have followed

Let me start again tomorrow

How lame it must be to hear a broken record

Just stand up and be qualified

Letting tomorrow take care of today

All we want is to be free

Free yourself from all the pain

From the jealous ones

From the judging ones

Just take yourself to the hills

Kiss the ground, roll around

Be yourself and love Mother Nature

Help yourself to all the love

To the bright side

To the sunshine

Dive into the deep unknown

Burst back up and love our oceans

To the ones who love concrete

May the heavens be with you

2/10/96

Soul Alive

Waiting for the time to come

That my soul will see the sun

I search for answers here and there

In the future and past, everywhere

Something stops me every time

From getting to my dream sublime

Where is it that I want to go

What is it that I want to know

Wondering about the end of time

Maybe something I’ll never find

I go from one extreme to the other

Treating analyzing like a brother

I welcome it into my mind

Even if it puts me in a bind

Just when I want to let it stay

I need to push that shit away

But on these thoughts I will survive

And let it keep my soul alive

Animal Eyes

I was born with animal eyes

Ears to hear their slightest cries

Sense to bring them happy sighs

To let them know I’m there

My eyes can see their stunning charm

I then extend my open arms

Knowing that they’re not alarmed

Animals soothe my soul

These eyes of mine I cannot hide

They look out to the ocean tides

I’m pouring over with love inside

My eyes cry for their pain

I want to go out alone with them

Let dolphins take me for a swim

What I see will never dim

I was born with animal eyes

1996

I've always had a connection with and loved all animals.  I need to go to the Amazon, Africa, Madagascar and Galapagos to fulfill my wild animal fantasies!! 

Trapped in an Office

Trapped in an office

Computer on my desk

Staring at the monitor

Uncomfortable in my dress

Trying to concentrate

Boss is on my back

My mind is wandering

Focus I lack

I should be swimming

Out on the beach

Or in a boat

with nothing to reach

but this is a fantasy

For now I'm stuck here

At 5:00 I'll go home

And have myself a beer

Candles

Candles paint pictures

Of flickered feelings past

Or they hold the hopes

Of what we have will last

Staring at shadows

Imprinted on the wall

The mind can change

With no warning at all

Melting wax falls

Like our hearts often do

As colored drops trickle

Soft scents fill the room

The wax runs from the fire

Like we try to run from fear

As the temperature decreases

A new formation appears

I think we all change

But still remain the same

We can’t melt into nothing

We just face another day

11/13/96

Hope is Born

Can I create a dream so true

One that invades all that I do

It pushes me through the pain

I feel it running through my veins

Hope is born and wisdom calls

Defeating all the unseen walls

Revealing light that shines in me

Unveiling all that I can be

10/24/01

Dream a Little Dream

Dance upon the waves of time

Hold them in your hand

Answers will be ever so clear

And beauty you will demand

Step into the clean new you

Walk into your life

Help yourself to a slice of hope

Disappearing will be the strife

Love is a master of our memories

From painful to ecstasy

Our past, which we cannot change

May shape the way we see

Lessons learned through the years

Make us who we are

If we have the true kind of faith

Our dreams really aren’t that far

2/29/96

The Purpose Behind

Behind every person there is a story

Something they have gone through

Behind every story there is a reason

A reason for what they had to do

Behind every reason there is a feeling

A feeling that made them react

Behind every feeling there is a heart

And this is where the feelings are stacked

Behind every heart there is a purpose

A purpose to live and to love

Behind every purpose there is a dream

A dream that will lift you above

Behind every dream there is a story

A story that you need to stick to

Behind every story there is a person

Behind every person there’s you

Grow a garden little girl

Don’ let seeds fall in your world

Ocean blue, she loves you

Princess rain, you’re so sane

Toss a sunflower in her hair

Prince of daisies, do you care

Autumn leaves fall on her face

Then they’re gone without a trace

Snowflakes fall without a sound

Gently melting as they hit the ground

Let her see it all again

Maybe she will make a friend

Build a mountain into a cloud

Angels above, sing real loud

Jump into the sea with me

Tiny specks to the whales we’ll be

12/03/94

A little background for this one.....I love to sing, always have.  I've always been told by my friends and family that I have a beautiful voice.  Thing is, I've always been too shy to sing in front of people, I guess you can call it stage fright!  The times that I have given in and sang in front of people, I experienced a high that is hard to explain, but it was AWESOME!  Anyways, lately I've been wanting to find my voice again.  I was talking to my boyfriend about it and he suggested I write about it.  By the way, he is an awesome musician himself, and I must say we are pretty cute when he gets his acoustic out and we sing our K's Choice songs we've learned.  Nuff said, here you go.  LOL

No Regrets

You want to shut yourself out

I think you should come out and play

You think pain is what life’s about

I say you take care of today

‘Cause today is not tomorrow

Neither was yesterday

You can put off your plans

Or send negativity away

One day twenty years from now

You’ll have the same plans

Were you afraid of failing

It was all in your hands

I see too many people

Let life slip them by

They complain of lost dreams

When they didn’t even try

11/14/96

Today has been a good day.  Me and my bf had some amazing sex this afternoon! :)  *giggles*  I'm kind of shy when it comes to talking about it....*blushes* but it was just way too good not too!  Besides that, we cooked breakfast together, which was fine with me.  My best friend came over a couple of times actually.   I watched a couple of episodes of One Life to Live, then took a nap.  That felt great, but when I woke up, I felt so groggy!  I just moved from the bed to the couch!  Okay, so I kind of had a lazy day. I did wash the dishes.  Last Sunday I was real busy and we got lots of stuff done.  (which I would have blogged about, but I was too tired.  lol)  I guess that's why I love Sundays.  It's the only day I have with my bf and my son, all day.  YAY

Awh man, I just realized I need to wash some work clothes for bf.  Dang!  And I have to put the boy to bed.  *reality sinks in*  Hope everyone is having a good night!  Here's a poem I will leave you with.....

50 Years

I don’t want to wake up, 50 years down the road

Disappointed, wondering where’d all the time go

And that I’d lived a life of good intentions

Didn’t do much worth mentioning

Never really believed in myself

Never gained an education or wealth

No children to help me along

It’s been years since I’ve sung a song

Alone, the crazy woman with the dogs

Could never really see through the fog

Didn’t get to travel the world

Just took my place as the lonely girl

I don’t want to wake up in 50 years

Asking why, with a face full of tears

I’ll try to dream big and make things happen

And in 50 years I’ll be a granny who’s laughing

11/21/02

Less than 2 years later I had my son.   Weird how things can really turn around.  :)

Unborn

You exist only in my heart and mind

There is so much love waiting for you

I think about you all of the time

For now dreaming is all I can do

I don’t have a plan worked out

Though planning would be best

Patience is going to be the route

And put me through the test

I will do anything for you

I can’t wait to sing you a song

Out pours love and I will prove

I will be an awesome mom

Faithful Friends

You are so many things to me

A light that allows me to see

A friend that opens a door

I know there is so much in store

Let’s allow our imaginations to flow

There’s no limits to where we can go

The inspiration between us is real

Any negativity we must kill

Two brains are better than one

Dreaming can be so much fun

Living is better than dreams

If we make life more than it seems

There is so much that we can do

I will always be thankful for you

There is hope for our dreams you’ll see

Thank you for letting me be me

10/24/01

Let It Through

A dream burns inside me

Something that will ignite me

Breaking through to the surface

I don’t think I can miss

The goal might not be so clear

But a burning message I hear

A new time, outlook or way

I know I need to start today

4/01/96

Okay, so I've gone to photobucket.com and I am trying to get some pics to post on my blog.  It's not working!

What EXACTLY do I need to do?!  Which code do I use?  I've tried copying and posted a few, but no luck.  :||

Here I am...

I took this one of Noah today.....what big bright teeth you have...lol

Well, we just got back from a walk to the playground.  Ironically (because I never really planned it this way) I live only 3 blocks from the elementary school that I attended kindergarden through the 4th grade.   Since it's so close, I take Noah there to play and run around.  Seems we've been hitting this spot a lot lately.  Last night, me, my bf, Noah and Moby (one of my Weims) went and played there.  Today, I took Noah and Moby.  I was going to take Chuy (Moby's dad), but we started walking and he was too out of control.  I wouldn't have been able to let him lose like I can with Moby.  So, I put Chuy back in the back yard (Sorry Chuy!) and decided to take Moby. 

So I put Noah in the stroller and get Moby on his retractable leash, and we make our way down to the school pretty fast.  Besides just being a playground with 3 separate structures, it also has an entire area fenced in, mostly grassy areas, but also some concrete too.  I just let Moby and Noah run wild!  Moby was already tired and he went and found a nice tree to lay under.  Noah found a nice pile of dirt (construction dirt I guess, there was a little tractor thingy nearby) to stomp on and picked up several rocks of his choice and put them in the places HE wanted them to be.   :)  As he took little steps up the mound of dirt, which was taller than he is, I couldn't help but wonder if this was the beginning of his rock climbing adventures!  lol  Who knows, but it sure was cute to watch.

We went back to the playground part and Moby was the first to jump on the structure!  He wasn't scared at all.  That's weird for Mo, because he's often freaked out about the weirdest things!  So, Noah and I followed, then made our way to the double slides, and down we went!   The bottom of the playground was bark-like pieces, kind of reminded me of Repti-bark.  lol  We were tired and all 3 of us went and planted our booties underneath in the shade.  It was fun, and it was at that moment that I realized I SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT MY CAMERA!   Then I'd have pics to show as well!  Oh well....maybe next time! 

The walk back was really hot.   I just called time and temperature and they said it's 88 degrees, but it will be in the high 90's today and tomorrow.  Thank goodness for air conditioning!  Hope everyone is having a nice day!

Face Our Fears

I found a way of knowing

We have to face our fears

I found a way of crying

And no one sees my tears

We go along inside our mind

While our flesh grows worn and old

We drift along and wait for time

To let the years unfold

The book of dreams we always held

Unfinished, stain our heart

Talent never polished

Words we heard from the start

Youth in a way not done

The uphill slope of life

Hope in need of molding

Life don’t pass me by

My hand is out for you to take

My spirit fills the sky

My heart is open to the world

At least until I die

Death a deed we all must do

Why fear what must be

Turn the page to see it all

Don’t fear what is not seen

12/21/96

Okay, I am so tired!  I spent most of the day over at my mom's printing out LOTS of poems I have written.  (I don't have a working printer, I know, hard to believe right!)  For the last couple of days I have been doing MAJOR poem organization.  I thought I had about 160 poems....well I knew it was over that, but I didn't know it was like 210!  :P 

Anyways, on the way home from my mom's I stopped at Office Depot and spent $21.00 on a 3 inch black binder with pockets and some sheet protectors.  When I got home I put Noah in his high chair along with snacks and a sippy cup, while I alphabetized ALL of my poems. Then I of course put them in my big new binder.   Now my back hurts a little, but I have a great sense of accomplishment!!  YAAAY

Something I did cracked me up tonight.  I was talking to my best friend *Paul* about what I was going to make for dinner.  So, I'm about to say how I had thawed the fish out, etc....and instead, I said that I had  DELETED IT!  Yes people, my brain is computered out!!!  LOL  Anyways, thought my fellow Mindsayers would like that one.  :) 

Note:  All of the poems that I post on here are my originals.  If it is new, then I will let you all know....if I don't say anything, then it's one of my collection......or, sometimes I have the date I wrote it at the bottom.  :)

I've had a pretty good day. Worked, and at work did a little research online about getting published. It's an unknown avenue for me and I'm excited. I might be getting a little obsessed with it, and why shouldn't I? I guess you could say it's one of my dreams. Nothing big, just some sort of sense of accomplishment would be great. If I happened to make some money off of it, that's great. But it makes me feel like I need to keep writing. I love the writing part, and I love the sharing. Giving and sharing, it's refreshing and rewarding.

I've entered several poem contests over the years, and I've always had really good feedback. I've been invited to a couple of seminars where I supposedly would have been honored as a poet. (Along with whoever else wanted to pay to go) I've been offered for my poems to be featured in several books....but I've never really taken it seriously. I wonder if they are just scamming me to try to get me to buy a book. I can't help but wonder if I'm afraid of success. Back when I was going to a therapist because of domestic violence, she told me that she thought I was afraid of success. (My ex-boyfriend kneed me in the forehead and pulled the phone cord out of the jack...but that's another story)

And, honestly, I hate to admit this, but I kind of always have felt like a failure. I had a rough time with my dad when I was a teenager, and he kicked me out many, many times. My mom wasn't there for me for a while when I hit about 13-17. I quit high school 3 times, and ended up waiting almost 9 years to get my GED, hmmm, could it be because I was afraid of failing it....yes, it was! And it's not like I was dumb, I had honors classes. I really let myself down, I thought I'd be going to college etc. It just didn't work out. I didn't have the drive. Anyways, I wish I knew why I have this thing about never being good enough. I hate it. I don't feel like I deserve anything, to be beautiful, smart, talented, sure, I can fake it pretty well.

I've never really blossomed into....well, me. Many of my poems are about this....finding myself. I beat myself up for so many things. I guess it's natural, hell I don't know. I know it's not healthy to talk to yourself negatively. I'm working on that. Doing something with my work will definitely help. Thanks for listening! I'll leave you with something fitting.....

Find the Center In You

Are you afraid of what the future holds

Can you face your fears

Will you let the truth be told

And anticipate the tears

When time is the sky above you

And strength is the ground below

You can find the center in you

Explore just what you know

You’re hiding from the future

And running from the past

Your life is here before you

You’re strength has got to last

Don’t simmer in the pain

You’ll find hope again

There’s so much more for you

Before you reach the end

Hope everyone is having a good night.  :)

Here is a couple for anyone who needs a lift today!!  :)

Find Yourself

Somebody else may be your muse

Somebody else may light your fuse

You may feel lost without any hope

Reach deep inside and you will cope

A new beginning is what you need

So get that shovel and plant that seed

Nurture yourself and you will grow

Find yourself so you will know

You have wings and you can fly

Just jump and soar and don’t ask why

Here's another one...

I thought at least you two could relate to this......(maybe)

I Choose To Believe

You said you’d never hurt me

And you I choose to believe

You said you’d always love me

You said you’d never leave

I trusted you so much

You were the savior of my heart

Now we’re not talking

My heart is tearing apart

Inside I feel so hurt

And I feel so betrayed

I opened myself up

There’s so much that I gave

I put myself out there

Believed everything that you said

Now I am just waiting

To see if I was mislead

I know I am still holding on

To see what we have in store

My heart must know the truth

Before I close that door

11/07/01

Confusion  Sets In

What do I want

What do I need

Trembling fears

Of letting go

Moving on

Of burying the old me

The me I didn’t want to be

Looking forward to

Growing

Changing

Rearranging my life

To invite the real me

Back to the table

To feed on strength

Power

Love

Forgiveness

Dignity

Growth

I will defeat

The confusion

I refuse to be stagnant

The water becomes clear

As I dive in

Open the Gate

Why do I have to wonder

If you are missing me now

Why do I have to guess

When we'll meet up and how

Why do we play games

And never communicate

You won't let me in

You won't open the gate

It's too hard for you to say

How you really feel

But I'll stick around a little longer

To see if we're for real

11/05/01

I don't much care for the old cheesy hair rock band (no offense to Warrant fans) but I am, tonight!  I'm sure I'll have fun rocking out to the old top 40 tunes!!!  My boyfriend's friend who is also the bass player in his band is promoting the concert tonight.  My friend *Margie* is coming with, and we are going to have a blast!!  I'll give a full update tomorrow!! 

As a most of the time stay at home mom, I don't get out, - EVER!!  So I am looking forward to it!  Hope everyone is having a good weekend! 

A Bigger Me

I’m reaching out to a bigger me

That bigger me I cannot see

Would you please save me from myself

I know you’re there, I need some help

This life I live, I manage fine

But in myself, there’s more to find

The faith is there but it needs molding

I need to see where I am going

So bigger me, I know you’re there

Give me a hand, we’ll share a prayer

2/2/98

I wrote this for my sweetie.  (also known as bf) duh.  lol 

My Lifeline

I held you in my arms

Oh so tight was the squeeze

Never do I want to let go

Your love is like the fresh ocean breeze

The sweetest feeling I found

Like I met you before I was born

And as our souls joined together again

I knew our love was brighter than the sun

As each day passes us by

I know the more we can withstand

The light of your touch sets me free

And I can forever hold your hand

I am wrapped up in the dream of you

Flying though the rainbow of your love

I am infinitely devoted to you

Singing with the skies above

My life prepared me for our destiny

Thoughts of you are always on my mind

Our togetherness is what is suppose to be

You need to know you are my lifeline

9/26/96

How does everyone like my new blog layout?  I changed it about 6 times in like 3-4 minutes...lol

I love dolphins, and I am a scuba diver...so it seems fitting to me but I still wanna know what yall think!  I've been sitting at the computer for too long, while Sweetie has been reading Stephen King's "Dream Catcher" and Noah is watching The Incredibles.

Oh yeah, and do to snuggs and her gramma, I got inspired today and got my butt moving even though I went to a rock show last night which I might also ad included a trip to Whataburger at like 3:30 am...lol  When you're up that late drinking you gotta eat!  The stupid thing is, when we woke up this morning, I ate Whataburger again for breakfast (separate trip), and even got the same exact thing! 

Back to what I did which is just the normal stuff, but I did dishes, swept and mopped the kitchen, sorted all the laundry (opps, just rememberd got to get stuff out of the dryer) and then took Noah out in the front yard (it's fenced in) to play in his little pool and the water hose.  This was at about 6:30, it was still hot as hell but we were at least in the shade by then.

Have a good night, I need to spend some time with the family.....I'll check back on later...I'm addicted to this place...LOL

Open Up!

To those who won’t let a free spirit roam

I suggest a dark closet, or a needle covered throne

Who are you to decide for me?

These eyes are my own and this is how I see!

Your selfish behavior is pulling me down

Try spreading understanding and patience around

Because you just can’t cut it with a dull razor mind

You gotta keep on moving, leave the big dogs behind

Tell it to me softly, or shout it in my face

Let me be myself of you can leave without a trace

So you chose to see it with only one eye

Try a little harder, before you see me cry

Maybe it doesn’t matter, my tears falling down

My face would be dry if you were not around

So in conclusion, my joy would arrive

In seeing you open up that suffocated mind

It feels nice to be free in a cozy sort of way

Things can change, so will you, I pray!

another one....

Beginning of the End

I can’t stand the thought of this

No longer will I have your kiss

I want to hit but know I’ll miss

Now get out ‘cause you’re dismissed

Rub my belly scratch my head

I’m thinking that you just misread

My intentions that I need to stop

You gotta run before you get popped

I’m not playing, I’m all confused

I know I wasn’t just getting used

See I’m just writing and typing, bro

So step back in and shut the door

It’s for real this time isn’t it dude

There’s no use in acting rude

Just move on and let it go

But there’s one thing you gotta know

Live your life and don’t look back

I got to get myself on track

In the end I hope we can be friends

So here’s to the beginning of the end

 and the words on the screen are fuzzy and look like they are moving....IT'S TIME TO GO TO BED!!!

When I went to the Warrant show on Saturday night, I got to meet the lead singer and I got him  to sign my wristband.  I told him we'd be rockin' during the show and he chuckled and said he would too!  And he did just that, sweat pouring everywhere....

"She's my cherry pie...."  LOL    "Where the down boys go -GO!!!"  lol   "Heaven isn't too far away"  lol  Man it's the kind of cheesy rock that makes me laugh, but it was cool! 

I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do today.  Everyday I am going to try to work towards getting published.  I also need to start working out, and stop staying up so late on Mindsay!!  lol  When I stay up that late, I eat, and I shouldn't be!  Who needs pop tarts past midnight?  Not my thighs, that's for sure!!

I think I'm going to get me and the boy dressed, and go for a little walk before it gets so hot outside that I can't breathe.  Hope everyone has a great day!

Go read the post by nothlithawk777!!!

I think it's really cool, it's like she's talking to all of us.....and we could be the ones writing it too! 

Colors In You

I like the colors I see in you

Your words sink deep into my soul

Curious about what will happen with us

There is so much more I want to know

I think we both are feeling it growing

For some reason I already feel safe with you

The longer we wait the more I want it

You are so unlike what I would usually choose

You shine so brilliantly with inspiration

Let’s intertwine our minds and fly away

My soul is ready for your interrogation

Won’t you come inside for a stay

I was inspired to post this one after I read the July 12th blog of karamac...  Thanks!

There’s So Much More

There’s so much more in life for me

There’s so much more to do

There’s so much left for me to see

There’s so much more to go through

There are so many more things to learn

There’s so much time to grow

There are bridges I will have to burn

There are places I have to go

There’s a man that is made for me

There are children I have to bear

There’s a future for my family

For them I’ll have to care

There’s delicious foods I’ll have to eat

There’s memories I’ll have to make

There are songs that I will have to sing

There are things I’ll have to debate

There’s generosity I will have to give

There’s compassion I will have to receive

There’s a way in which I have to live

In all of this I will believe

10/19/01

Live or Die

Life and death, are they the same

Or a suspicious ploy to keep us sane

A brilliant taste of what it’s like

Provoking the question of the afterlife

Raining spirits flying high

Shall we live or shall we die

Or separate the two of them

And let death die to let life win

#2

Looking For The Sun

In a place that seems a world away

Is where my two best friends stay

Cold there, it may be

Does it matter to me?

No, the sun still shines

Souls that never spent a day apart

Now have a pain deep in their hearts

When we’ll meet again

Who really knows

I guess the sun will still shine

Why can’t we still grow up together?

The job is not done

Until that time comes

I have to look for the sun

You can help me find it

For I only find rain

Come to my part of the world

So I can let go of this pain!

I miss you, I love you

What more can I say?

Until we reunite

I can only dream of that day

Sun, please help me shine

12/94

At the request of darkchristian06, here are some poems that are about flying....(and Angels)

Now

I followed the path that lead straight to darkness

Strangley not caring what would come my way

Voices and walls prepared my descent

To the world where I didn't pray

Foolish I was to shut myself out

From the One who wants my spirit to fly

Now I must realize that I have a mission

Before and after I die

My dreams of flying to some

May be strangley odd and unreal

But now is the time for me to grasp on,

And know those thoughts are more than real

Now voices tell to take my long journey

Straight up to the top

Visions of flying can be achieved

If only you are prepared not to stop

Precious lessons learned from our guides,

On a plain much higher than our own

Will set us up for the journeys we'll have

Where beauty and truth are clearly shown

Now I'll pray everyday for the presence of Angels

Who will keep me on the path I belong

Maybe I'll learn from their example to touch the sky

Until then, I'll sing their sweet song

9/5/96

#2

Angel Guides

I don’t remember

But I know

I can’t see

But it shows

I haven’t heard it

But I listen

They are knocking

But I’m missing

Comprehension disfigured

Growing in my soul

Changing with season

Flavored by the old

Memory re-flashing

Signal setting clear

Love is never ending

Holy voices to hear

I hold the wings

Steady and high

Wind is raging

Colorful sky

Smiles drifting overhead

Lifting her in years

Seconds are burning

Happiness in tears

Help her see us now

Or she’ll never know

Cancel destination

Let her feel the flow

My mind is opening

Slowly piece by piece

My soul is growing

Heart content with need

I can know now

How I was released

Love let go again

For me to find peace

12/21/96

#3

Searching For Wings

Mind searching, scanning, wishing wanting

Wondering what’s in store for me

Endless trips to the stars, sun and moon

I seem to imagine endlessly

Help is on the way, they say

But not the kind I want

I’m getting messages from beyond

With most every scattered thought

Brainless options are saying

I’m trapped upon this plain

Why am I looking for plans unseen

Only to keep myself sane?

Patience inside may help hide

Some of the choices I will make

The day I’m awarded wings to fly

Is a journey I am willing to take

9/05/96

Dying Breath Unhead

Dying breath unheard

Alone in his bed

What was his last word

I can’t believe he’s dead

Never had a chance

To tell him goodbye

Now it’s just too late

All I can do is cry

He was so full of life

I knew him for a time

The pain cuts like a knife

It is such a crime

He was so very young

With children that he loved

His life had just begun

Now he’s up above

We won’t forget you

You brightened up our lives

We will miss you

And your big blue eyes

#2

Life is so fragile

In this life

I don’t understand

How we could lose

Such a special man

Life is so fragile

It’s just so scary

Now in the ground

We’ll have to bury

A father, a man

A son and a friend

A boyfriend, a lost love

How do we begin

To grasp what has happened

To realize he’s died

To move on from here

To just say goodbye

October 23, 2003

#3

Here's a very personal poem about Clayton.  (Poem #1 was written about him - Poem#2 was written for my friend Toby)  This one is kind of long so thanks for bearing with me....

You Will Live On Forever

We could have done so many things

I remember the night we talked

Of going to the Japanese Palace

And eating steak, shrimp and lobster

Drinking the complimentary saki wine

It would have been a grand evening

Dining with you and your charm

You asked me if I liked to ride bicycles

I said yes and you said, "No way!"

In excitement you mentioned these trails

We could ride bikes to and have a picnic

It would have been fun and romantic

We were drinking the night away

And you showed me your house

The one you worked so hard on

You were so proud of your kids

They could come and romp around

All day and night, eat, laugh, and play

They were what mattered in life

Although you hinted how you needed

A woman to keep you in order

You were talking to me with that glow

You had that about you, everyone saw it

I felt so happy you were into me

We wanted to be together

We wanted to make some memories

You told me you could see me

Ten years down the road

Driving down the road in a green jeep

You said you could make me some T-tops

With my hair in a pony tail and a baseball cap

Big hoop earrings and with kids

With you by my side and all the other guys lookin’

You would be the "luckiest man in the world"

I treasure every single thing you said

Every moment we shared together

I mourn for you and the love we could have shared

I need you now more than ever

I wish you were still here

I know you do too

Not just for me but for everyone

You want to tell us everything will be okay

You try, but we just don’t hear

We just miss you and don’t understand

Why you had to go so soon

I cry now as I realize what I’m typing

I cannot change a thing about this

Tears are streaming down my face

I shake my head in disbelief

I squint my eyes hard together

Trying to somehow shake this pain

Of loss and the longing to have you here

Why didn’t I do this, why didn’t I do that

You told me how much you liked me

You told me you wanted to be with me

The last night I saw you circumstances kept me

From giving you a piece of me I so wanted to

Our time together was cut so short

But I have to accept what happened

You’re only here in spirit

I know this to be true

It’s only been 6 months since

And forever I will feel the loss

I remember what we talked about doing

I know you want me to be happy

So I will try to still do those things

You will always be deep in my heart

Through many you will live on forever

If you are still reading, thanks so much!  :)

I'm actually thinking about this poem being handed out at my funeral....I know, I'm a weirdo!!!  I wrote this one a few days after my friend passed.

Felt like writing, so here it is....

I've had a pretty good day.  It was rainy all day, which was a most welcome change!  So, I took it easy, spent some good play time with Noah, put him down for his nap and decided to make use of the time.  This is kind of funny, I put the timer on the microwave to 30 minutes, and had a plan to just keep moving until the timer went off.  In just 30 minutes, I got so much done.  I swear, a clean(er)..lol  house awakens my spirit, a clean house does wonders for me.

I was talking to my boyfriend explaining that I need some advice on organization.  So many odd and end things always to be done, on top of all of the regular stuff.  Put following a 17 month old around all the time and working 3 days a week, it's enough to make a mess of this mind!  All of the individual "messes" equals "messes in my mind....LOL. 

Back to my day....I spent time researching all kinds of poetry websites and found out what I had already suspected, www.poetry.com is a scam!!  Any "poem" that is submitted, whether it is real words or not, they tell you they have reviewed it carefully *sarcastic smirk* and that you are a semi-finalist...and they would like to put it in a book....WHATEVER.  So, I'm thinking of a couple of different sites I can post my poetry and have reviews on it, to make it better.  I'm finding out that there really isn't any money to be made in the poetry biz....which doesn't surprise me.  At least I'm researching so I can make informed decisions on how to do this.

Went and rescued my cousin and his wife at Petsmart today, they locked their keys in the car.  Been there, done that.  I was actually in my gown until they called a little after 2:00.  LOL   I joked and said I needed a reason to get dressed today....lol

I'm sorry for the overloading on the poems.  I know some people don't mind (thanks you guys!  :) ) I also realize that not everyone gets into poetry so much.  I just love sharing so much!  Anyways, I'm going to try to keep it to a minimum of 1-3 per day. 

My poor doggies are covered in fleas, I feel so bad, it's messing their skin up.  I of all people shouldn't have that problem considering where I work, but it's not easy thinking about putting them filthy babies in my car....I think I'm just going to break down and bust out the hose at home.  I hope everyone is having a good night!  I'm about to give Noah a bath, and hope he goes to bed at a decent hour.  When I had to go get my cousin, I had to wake him from his nap, which was good because the day before he slept for almost 4 hours straight, and that affects his bedtime. 

ChiTownFreak25, you are the greatest.  This one's for you! 

*deep breath*  Okay, everyone is talking about Abortion, and although I haven't read many of the posts, I have yet to see someone tell their feelings on this personal of a level (on this side of it).  So, as best I could, I opened my heart and soul up to tell the story of my mistake....my regret....my decision.   Some of my story is on the blog of lifeissues, on July 6th.    I had to write this after reading redhat 's blog.

Okay....earlier I stubbed my toe REALLY bad, you know how you just have to run and jump on something like the couch or just fall on the floor!!  Damn that shit hurt!  I felt bad to be in such pain in front of my son, but what can you do?  When I finally opened my eyes, there he was looking at me not knowing whether to  laugh or cry with me.  Maybe if the living room didn't look like an obstacle course with toys scattered all over, I'd have half a chance, right?  LOL  I actually hurt it while going from the kitchen to the living room, stepping over my safety gate.  I tripped over the toys a couple of times after the "incident"  lol. 

I took Noah to the playground and got some cute pics.  I'll try to post them later tonight.   I need practice in that area, so bare with me!  I have to leave to go to work in less than an hour.  I hope everyone is having a nice afternoon.  :)

Here's one for now...I'll post more later....

May I help you please?

Not much to say tonight.  I've been on the computer, but not so much on Mindsay.  Been reading about getting published with a company called PublishAmerica.  It kind of sounds too good to be true, but it all makes sense.  Just reading it makes me excited.  So that's a good sign, because if I can't get excited about it, then it probably ain't gonna happen.  :)

My boyfriend (Sweetie) made a comment tonight about how the computer is my "home away from home".  I know I've been on it a lot lately.  *sigh*  What the hell would I do without it?  LOL

I'm going to go get me some lovin'.  ;)    I'll probably be back later to read everyone's blogs that I can without my eyes going out on me. 

Laters!

I've noticed this for years....

When I wake up really groggy, tired and with no energy, I realize that I had been dreaming at that very moment I woke up.  I can't always remember what exactly was happening in the dream, sometimes I can, but I feel very groggy, almost as if I was drugged!   I don't know if I've ever met anyone else who this happens too.

Also, on a side note, I know some people never remember their dreams, and some people remember them every night.  For me, it seems like I remember them like 1 week out of every month.  Weird.

The revelation of a divorce supports different emotions depending on who you are.  Even though I was only 5 years old when my parents got divorced, it affected me greatly.   When I was a teenager, I went rather wild at times.  I partied and had sex more than the average teenager at that time.  I was kind of lost.  I didn't have a "family".  I felt betrayed by my parents at times when I was discouraged and depressed.  Both of my parents re-married and divorced again.... I guess you can say I'm very familiar with it.

I know that divorce affects every age.  I also know that sometimes there doesn't SEEM to be another option other than divorce if there is betrayel, abuse (of any kind), or sometimes, people just grow apart and want more out of life than an empty marriage.   I respect the decision of anyone who HAD to leave.  Only YOU know what's right for YOU. 

I'm not married, but we know we will get married.....we've been together for so long.  We share the same views on staying together through thick and thin because of our son and our love for each other. We've both come from broken homes and don't want the same for our family. 

I thought it was time I post another poem, and I came across one I wrote while a late teenger, I can't remember how old I was.   But it's another honest entry and most people know how it feels.  Others are lucky if they have parents who are still together, or are in great and prospering marriages....thumbs up to you all!  Keep in mind I wrote this long, long ago....  :)   I'm not so angry anymore, I'm over it!!  Thank God!

Destiny

Sometimes I think I've lost my mind
I thought I left my past behind
I live my life and all I know is
Follow your dream and don't let go

No one can live for me
No one can see the things I see
I walk this road
No one can tell me how to be
It's my destiny

There is no right, there is no wrong
There is no place where I belong
I've done my time
I've held it strong and
My life is all about this song

No one can live for me
No one can see the things I see
I walk this road
No one can tell me how to be
It's my destiny

If I threw them all away
Would it change?
No
I would live my life again, rearranged
There's a magic in my heart
That I feel
Don't you know that God is love
And it's real

No one can live for me
No one can see the things I see
I walk this road
No one can tell me how to be
It's my destiny

My destiny
My destiny
My destiny
It's my destiny

Yesterday I got to see 3 of my dear friends, that I hardly ever get to see.  One is 6 months pregnant, the other is her little sister who has a 1 month old baby girl and the other one, lives in California, and I haven't seen her for about 4 years.  It was great to see them.  

 We were always the party girls...can you tell? :)

I've already posted this poem, but I will post it again, because I wrote it thinking about my two friends in this pic above.

Looking For The Sun

In a place that seems a world away

Is where my two best friends stay

Cold there, it may be

Does it matter to me?

No, the sun still shines

Souls that never spent a day apart

Now have a pain deep in their hearts

When we’ll meet again

Who really knows

I guess the sun will still shine

Why can’t we still grow up together?

The job is not done

Until that time comes

I have to look for the sun

You can help me find it

For I only find rain

Come to my part of the world

So I can let go of this pain!

I miss you, I love you

What more can I say?

Until we reunite

I can only dream of that day

Sun, please help me shine

12/94/94

P.S.  When I post pics, I always have to go back and re-size them, if anyone knows a way for me to size them BEFORE I post them, please let me know!  (I don't have any other way to size them that I know of)  Thanks!

Crashing Waves

A wave was coming and we were blind

Looking at each other to see what we’d find

In friendship and trust, what a good start

Now we just can’t stand being apart

A dynamic wave, beautiful and strong

This feeling inside can’t be wrong

You gave me a hug, I looked into your eyes

We crashed into each other, there’s no disguise

This wave is still washing us to shore

We are deeply connected, we only want more

We have to be strong in this journey to land

To make sure we end up hand in hand

(for the record, we made it to shore, but not together.) ;)

I think my mom is going to come over and trim my hair.  She's always been the one to cut my hair, with a couple of exceptions.  It's pretty cool!  I just don't know how much to cut off.  My hair goes down to the top of my butt.  I know I need about 3-4 inches trimmed off....but should I take off more than that? 

Having a quiet day today so far.  We woke up when Sweetie left, which is a couple of hours earlier than we normally do.  (I know, must be nice, right, and it is!  :) )  Shrek 2 is on now, haven't seen that in a while although we have seen it seems like a hundred times or more.  lol

Here's a little something I wrote, that I forgot about....it's kind of cute...

This is a very special day for our friend freeforever!!  It is her 1 year anniversary of being injury free!!  We are all very proud of you.  You are an inspiration to all.  Her courageous story is in a new book that is out called

"Beyond the Razors Edge"  and you can read her story online by going to www.iuniverse.com.  If any one has ever experienced what she has gone through or has loved anyone who has gone through it, I recommend you buy the book.  Her story and success inspired me to write a poem. 

Thanks for being an inspiration, freeforever.  :)

Well, I'm getting ready for work.  I begin my 3 day work week today.  Just so happens that my baby boy is 17 months old today!  :)  He also has a fever.  :(  He's with his Mimi now, I know she will take good care of him.  She's a nurse.  But you know how babies are, they want their Mommy when they are sick.  I just held him and rocked him with a blanket wrapped around him.  I gave him medicine and it seemed to help.  Since his Mimi lives about 25 minutes away, she is nice enough to come into town and meet me at the grocery store on the outskirts of town.  While we were waiting for her, I got him out of his car seat and let him in the front with me.  He discovered that he could push the lock/un-lock buttons and it was cracking him up.  lol  So, I think he feels better.

On another bad note, my sister in law is having troubles with her stomach and may have to go to the hospital.  Mimi didn't know much at the time, so I don't either.  I just hope she's okay!

On a positive note, my Sweetie started a new position today, and he is making more money.  So we are very happy about that and I am very proud of him.

Okay, that's it for now....let me find a poem.  Have a great day everyone!

  I'm kicking back drinking a 24 oz Zima, and one to follow if I feel like it. I need it!  :)  Noah is sleeping, poor baby, he just fell asleep in my arms he felt so bad.  I gave him Fever-all, which are suppositories.  He just doesn't cooperate too good taking the medicine orally.  (sorry if that was too much info...lol)  Anyways, here's a poem. 

Soul Alive

Waiting for the time to come

That my soul will see the sun

I search for answers here and there

In the future and past, everywhere

Something stops me every time

From getting to my dream sublime

Where is it that I want to go

What is it that I want to know

Wondering about the end of time

Maybe something I’ll never find

I go from one extreme to the other

Treating analyzing like a brother

I welcome it into my mind

Even if it puts me in a bind

Just when I want to let it stay

I need to push that shit away

But on these thoughts I will survive

And let it keep my soul alive

Transitional Mudslide

I'm just a worm in a hole

not much action down here

I'm squirming down that mudslide

just wiggling through my life

Seems there must be more than

what's on the ground

It would be great to have wings

so I could fly around

Wishes for wings, can they come true?

I'm very sleepy so I'll build a cocoon

to block out the world and the outer muffled sounds

Sometimes it's easier to tune it all out

Seasons pass me right by

there goes the day and the night

But I feel funny inside!

I feel funny inside!

Let me out of here,

there is no more fear!

I'm not going to slip

into this wet sticky earth

I'm going to fly! Fly, fly!

I have wings like an angel

and I'm free to be whatever I try

I'm a butterfly, flying high

And look all around

There's a worm on the ground

wondering how he can get me down

get me down, I don't think so!

I remember those caterpillar days

My life was a maze

But now I can see

the flowers, the rainbows

and even the mudslides - but I fly.

Thanks to everyone for wishing Noah to get better.  His temp got worse today but now it's a lot better.  I didn't go to work today either.   I hated the tone of voice I got when I called in this morning, but you know what, I am a mother first, period!  We are all hanging in there.  Just wanted to update!  :)   (and say hi!)

In My World

In my world

There’s twists and turns

Bumps and dips

You’d think I’d learn

In my world

I have it all

Good and bad

You’d think I’d fall

In my world

I just can’t see

The road ahead

But that’s just me

In my world

There will come a time

I’ll that this world

And make it mine

We have 3 big dogs.  They make lots of piles of poop.  My sweetie is supposed to help poop scoop, but it hardly ever happens.  I hardly ever poop scoop because I always have something else going on and it's not really the first thing on my mind. 

Yesterday, Noah went down for his nap so Sweetie and I were in the front yard giving our dog Chuy some much needed attention. A little CHUY background:  *the dog/cat/squirrel/bird/snake/possum/rabbit killer (for the record, all of the said creatures somehow got loose into our back yard, or got within jumping distance of this instictive hunter), he's also the daddy of Moby, husband of Gretta, he has separation anxiety but he is a sweet, bouncing off the walls Weimaraner.* 

 I was poop scooping in our fenced-in front yard of our small 2 bedroom 50 year old house.   After finishing the front, I asked Sweetie if he would pay a little bit more attention to Chuy while I went to the back and did some scooping, then I'd come and get him so he could do a lot more.  He agreed, and off I went happily, knowing we were sharing the duties, THIS TIME.

So I went to the back.  I've got to tell you about my back yard.   It's is much better over the past year, but let me tell ya, it reminded me of Sanford and Son when we first moved in!  LOL  I have old cars, trucks, an old compressor, a BIG old tractor, a "honey house" and more in my back yard.  All this stuff was my Grandad's, and it's been here ever since he passed.  We did have an old 50's Reo Speedwagon (old green truck my Grandad used to haul bee honey all over the country) but luckily that was moved a few months ago.  It was pretty cool though,  ever since I can remember, I've played in this back yard. 

It's pretty big back yard.  Lots and lots of piles of poop.  You got your white poop, God knows how long it's been there in the hot Texas sun to dry it out into LOGS of white pooped-ness.  Then you have your browns, and your blacks.  Some of it blended in so well with the ground it looked like it wanted to stay.  So I notice the sky is getting darker and some clouds are moving in, and sure enough it starts sprinkling.  It felt SO GOOD!!!  It had been extra hot yesterday, hard to breathe even; so the rain was like sweetness to my skin.

  About this time Sweetie came to me and I thought I was about to turn the tractor (lol ) over to him, but instead he asked me if I would get "mad" if he went and helped a neighbor help with something at the neighbor's grandpa's house a few blocks over.  So, keep in mind I am PMS-ING, and after asking him certain questions and getting the right answers (I know, females can be such biatches)  and I said, "well, NO, I'm not MAD, but I'll tell you, I was kind of excited that you were going to be poop scooping, because I have a VERY hard time trying to get you to do this."  So we said bye, and I continued my removal of the mountains of STINCH.

The rain continued to fall and it made me work even harder and faster, who wants RAIN SOAKED POOP to pick up?!   I decide I need to go in to check on Noah.  Shortly after I stepped in the back door, I heard him fussing to get up.  I quickly wash my hands and arms with anti-bacterial soap, strip down to my undies and get a wash rag and get the dirt off of my ankles, or wherever else I saw it, put on a clean t-shirt, which luckily was on the back of the computer chair and go get my baby boy.  I took him to my bed, and we layed down together.  I had the TV on the SIRIUS satellite mellow rock station.   It felts SO GOOD to lay down, and Noah wanted to go back to sleep, so I tried to get some sleep too.  It wasn't easy because I was coming down with a little head ache, and every time I heard a new song on the tv I JUST HAD TO lift and turn my head a little to see who it was.  I never knew I liked Bob Seger's "Night Moves" so much, or even some song from Paul Simon, among every other song that came on.  Also, the way Noah postioned his head into the pit of my arm, it was a moment people, one that just affirmed the unexplainable connection between mother and child.

Since it was raining pretty hard outside, I could hear Chuy crying and hollerin' in the front, that big freaking baby wouldn't SHUT UP!!  Sweeite should have been home by now, and I was getting a little frustrated that he wasn't there to try to shut Chuy up.  Even so, the music was relaxing, and hell, it was a rainy day so I finally fell asleep.  I wake up long enough to hear Sweetie talking real loud for a minute, but then that stopped.  Then I hear some loud banging up against the house in the back near our bedroom window.  I got up, stomped my jiggling ass to the back door, opened it and blurted out, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON OUT HERE??!!  I see Sweetie sitting in back with our neighbor who he had helped, they were smoking a cig, and he calmly responds that they were just looking at the braker box.  And my biatch-ass says, WELL, I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!!  And stomp off to the bedroom.  By that time, Noah had woken up, and I was in one of those "I just woke up and feel drugged, still have a lingering headache, leave me the hell alone" moods.  Sweetie came in and I realized he had eaten the last corny dog, which was for Noah, so I bitch some more.  My sweetie has so much patience, he just took my attitude, and he turned it completely around by doing something he NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER does........

HE WASHED THE DISHES!!  And put some up, and refilled the water jugs for the dogs, I was AMAZED! 

I love my Sweetie.  He's the best.  Ladies, have you ever just felt the bitchiness coming right out of you like it was being channeled, like it JUST HAD to come out....of course you have!  Sometimes it backfires, but it didn't yesterday!  Yay!! 

For the record, poop scooping is very relaxing.  It's a time to be outside, think and relfect upon life.  :)

Okay, fever is gone, but now he has the hives. This is my first experience with the hives, and it is so weird the way they break out, then disappear and move on to another place. This can last up to 4 days the nurse said. Luckily, they went away for several hours tonight, but when they came back, we were ready with Benadryl. 

Everyone, we have a new member today on MindSay, so go and give moonlitnite a warm welcome, she is one of my closest and dearest friends!!  She's beautiful, funny, intelligent, caring and totally awesome!!!  I'm so happy to see her on here, YAAY!  :)

Man, I am tired.  I was real tired last night too and I didn't feel good at all.  When I got home from work last night around 6:30, I fed Noah and went to the bedroom, layed down for a couple of hours and watched a couple of episodes of One Life to Live.  It felt so good to be able to do that.  But Noah did come to the door and cry and bang on it a little bit, he knew his momma was in there.  I just had NO energy. 

When I went to work yesterday I was kind of paranoid about the vibe there might have been since I called in twice last week because my baby was sick.  Everything was just fine!!  The boss was off yesterday, but when I saw her today, she asked how Noah was doing, and I filled her in on that he is better, but it was terrible when he was sick, and that he had gotten the hives right after he broke his fever.  Later on, we are sitting there at the front of the grooming shop, and she tells me she gave me a raise, and that she should have done it a long time ago!!  YAAAAAY!!    :)  :)  :)

Sweetie and I have been hurting for money lately.  We are terrible at maintaining a budget!!  We have all intentions of doing much better now though.  Last week he was promoted, and I am very proud of him!   Between the 2 of us, we were raised about $3.00 an hour.  Not too shabby!  *man I have the yawns!*  lol  Anyways, we've got to get on track and it will eliminate a lot of the stress we've been having.  That's why we've been eating a lot of Ramen noodles lately!  lol  Hey, they are not too bad when you're hungry. 

He's at band practice and I'm in a very dark and quiet house.  Right before it got dark, I put Noah in his stroller and leashed Moby up on the retractable leash, and we went for a stroll.  I walked up to my old middle school, and my mind went down memory lane as I looked at the place where I fell for my first love.  It's weird imagining myself so young, and innocently flirting with the boy who would end up taking my virginity. (I took his too, well I guess we "gave" it to each other...lol)  Never thought I'd be living right down the street from all the schools I grew up in. 

I still picture myself moving to some other state, to see more of this country, and experience more nature and scenery.  Anyone got any suggestions as to beautiful affordable places to live??!!   I do appreciate Fort Worth being my home, but I'm sure I also take it for granted.  I love the ruggedness of the mountains, the dessert and I've cried many tears wishing I was closer to the ocean.  I've always fantasized about being a mermaid with wings!  :)

I feel bad that I don't spend enough time reading all my friends blogs and commenting, but with the time and life I have, I do the best I can!  I hope everyone is having a wonderful evening.  :)

What's up everyone?  How's your Sunday going?  I've had a pretty good one.  Last night Sweetie and I planned our day out today.  We invited his sister and her 8 year old daughter over to eat and hang out.  So we said we'd wake up, eat some waffles, clean the house up and get ready, go to the grocery store and come home and cook.  Most of it happened, but today when it was time to go to the store Sweetie said he didn't want to go.  He NEVER wants to go.   So, we never go together.  I do all of the running for this family.  Can anyone else relate?  I was upset because I was looking forward to us going to the store together.  We got pissed off at each other, and made up.  I'm so glad.  I thought I was going to have a terrible day. 

We cooked some stuffed jalepenos.  It was easy, just cut the jalepenos in half, de-seeded them, put some cream cheese in there and wrapped them in bacon.  Cooked them in the oven and they were delicious!!  We also cooked some chicken flautas, which we had never done. Actually I didn't cook, Sweetie did.  After all, I DID go to the store.  It sounds like I'm making a big deal out of it, and I did.  Glad we got over it!   I still wish he liked to go to the store but what can you do? 

I wrote this in the 3rd grade. My teacher liked it so much that she typed it up and made a copy for the whole class.  As a kid I also made a tune for it and to this day I can still sing it...lol

Who out there smokes weed?  What are your views on smoking, or not smoking?  (Good and bad)  Is anyone torn about quitting?  If you have quit, what are the changes in your life that have occurred, and why did you quit? 

I personally don't see very much wrong with it.  For some people, it's not good for them to use.  I know it's a drug, but it's a very mellow feeling for most people.  I know there are people out there who are totally against it, and look at it as if it were as bad as any other drug.  In my opinion, those people are wrong.  I also know that many, many people who lead normal, responsible lives are smoking it.  (and it's the only drug they use)  Some people like to smoke a joint, or a bowl at the end of a hard day, just like some people like to have a beer, or a glass of wine.  It just happens to be illegal.  But why are so many "normal" people doing it?  Maybe it should be legalized....

 Is it a gateway drug?  Or is alcohol a gateway drug?  Maybe both of them are.  I did alcohol first, then weed, then went on to experiment with harder drugs.  (I do not recommend any of these, but I did form a habit with the weed, and I find it to be less damageing than alcohol or harder drugs) 

Come forth people!  I know you are smoking!!  If you've read my blogs, I've mentioned it here and there.  I am in the process of quitting.  For personal issues only.  And, it's probably temporary.  Who knows, maybe I'll like my life a lot better without it.  And just for the record, I only smoked it outside, when my son was asleep.  (or when I was at a friend's house) 

Judgemental people can leave their comments, but I'll tell you right now, I am not here to start a debate.  I really just wanted to know how many other people are out there that have the same types of feelings and thoughts that I do about it. 

:) 

There is a LOT of information out there on marijuana.  Here's a link that answers some good questions. 

http://www.marijuana.com/myths.php3

Maybe

My spirit is clean

My voice is strong

My talent is wide

My list is long

I’d like to travel

In so many ways

This head on my shoulders

Loves sunny days

I’d like to swim

Along with the fish

Run to the sea,

Give her my wish

I’d like to fly

Sour like the wind

See a white dove

Make a new friend

I’d like to help

With animals in need

Give all I’ve got

Just let them be

I’d like to sing

So sweet with my man

Play the guitar

This is our plan

Maybe that’s our ticket

Maybe that’s our way

Maybe that’s our dream

Maybe we’ll just play

10/28/96

Hey everyone.  I had a great day.  I took Noah over to my sisters's house, and got to visit with her and my niece and nephew.  We got in the little plastic pool.  We also got to talk a lot and tried some green apple zimas.  I made my spagetti sauce before I went over there, so now I am cooking the noodles and some corn.  Poor baby didn't have a nap all day. I tried to put him in his cousin's bed (same age as him, only 11 days apart) and he threw up in his bed.  :(   Anyways, we are home now, and he will probably go to bed early.  My spagetti sauce is re-heating and it sure smells good!!  MMMMMMmmmmm 

I'll try to post a couple of pics of Noah swimming later.  Hope everyone is having a great day!! :)

Where does the time go

Reading, blogging, thinking

Seconds, minutes, hours

Burning, fading, racing

Digging into different minds

Places, subjects, faces

Learning, wasting time

Dreaming, wondering

Where does the time go

Blogging, reading, thinking

Writing, sharing, entertaining

Laughing, caring, spying

Hours fly by, staring

At the screen that is

Taking the place

Of my tv

Hello hello!  I've had a good day today.  Got my first check with my raise on it.  :D  Although when I looked at it, it was about $100 short, simple mistake someone made, and as soon as I pointed it out to her, she corrected it right away.

I have an Oreck Vacuum cleaner, that has been acting up.  I called the Oreck store and they told me I should bring it and drop it off to be serviced, and that it would cost about $30 and take about 5 business days.  I was fine with that, because I just can't go without a vacuum!  It sucks having to borrow one, too.  I took it up there and the guy was very nice and said, "let's take a look at it".  He took it to the back and I didn't follow, then he said that I could come back and watch, that it "wasn't a secret".  hehe  So, I went back there and watched him take it apart, the motor was fine, he replaced the roller brush (normally $30 for the part), replaced the belt, bag, and vacuumed out the inside where the bag goes and put a freshener thing in there.  Turns out, I had been putting the belt on wrong and stretching it out.  That combined with my long hair that gets stuck in the roller brush, is why I was having so many problems.  So, can you believe it, I didn't have to pay for any of that, and, I got to take it home with me. He even carried it out to my car, and it only weighs 8 pounds. 

 Sweetie joked with me and asked me if I gave the guy a BJ!  (like I said, he was joking, so it didn't piss me off)  I just told my friend *Paul* about it and he asked me if I was wearing a tight shirt.  (I was...lol)  So, I wonder, did I get that kind of treatment just because the way I looked?  Either way, I'm happy!  Because I used the $30 that I would have spent, to put in my gas tank!  I put $43 of gas in my tank today!  :(  At least I have a full tank. 

Just a side note, I've had sex everyday this week!  woo hoo!!  LOL   (not that anyone cares, well I know some people do, but I'm sure some people don't, but hey, last time I checked you can blog about anything you want, right??!?!) 

Hope you all like my new little lay out.  Have a wonderful evening!!  :)

One day almost 10 years ago (damn that makes me feel old) I was on a roll with writing poems.  I wanted to share them so bad, so I kept calling friends but they weren't home, or couldn't talk for one reason or another.  I called my best friend *Paul* and he just didn't feel like sitting there listening to me reading my poems to him.  So I let him go, and wrote this.  *snickers*

Few

Few to understand

The way I am

Few to know

What I show

Knowing I can help

Those who fall

Knowing I can show

Those who want to know

Is my desire so strong

That no one belongs

Is my head to full

For those to cool

Are my thoughts so deep

Only I can keep

Are my dreams of plenty

Way too many

My spirit so real

Only I can heal

My longing so great

No need to escape

12/21/96

 I'm off to work in 15 minutes.  I hope everyone has a fantabulous day!!!  It's hot as hell out there!  Stay cool!

Jen

I just put Noah to bed.  I've been watching some depressing tv on Dateline and Dr. Phil.    

I'm in a blogging mood today!  Okay yall, (yes, I have a Texas accent) I think when you start massaging your own shoulders, it's time to take a break from the computer!!  *stretch*

*trots off to pour some Cocoa Pebbles*

In Light

In light that all that’s happened

I will always love you

We share a deep connection

With all that we’ve been through

Your hugs are always warm

And I can show you my tears

I know that we’ll stay friends

And in touch throughout the years

I hope you know these things I say

Come straight from my heart

The love will never go away

No matter how far apart we are

Power That I Need

You can’t steal my thunder

You can’t make me quit

You can’t make me walk away

I don’t give a shit

You won’t teach me any lessons

And you won’t make me cry

I won’t bend with your confessions

No matter how hard you try

I’ll stand strong with my beliefs

Just try to knock me down

You deserve what you receive

And I will stand my ground

Just try to test my inner strength

You’ll be surprised at what you’ll find

I have the power that I need

I’ll get you every time

11/01/01

Already trying to fill his Daddy's boots!  (in more ways than one)

Yesterday at work, I did a little computerized answer for someone. (a complete brain fart)  We fill out invoices on the computer AND on paper for each dog (and customer) that comes in.  We check off if they need anything special, like a special shampoo or a teeth brushing.  When replying to a coworker in regards to the paper invoice, instead of saying, "yes, I checked it", I said, "yes, I clicked it".  *laughing*  I had to just laugh my ass off at myself for a minute.  HA-HA

But, this isn't the first time this has happened, oh no it's not!!   :)

You might have read my blog where I mentioned that I was talking about defrosting the fish, and instead of saying that I was going to defrost the fish, I said I was going to delete the freaking thing!!!! (Phish...any fans out there?)  :D

I just love cracking myself up like that. LOL  :) :) :)

This morning, I was woken up at 9:00 by my little boy.  It's really sweet waking up in the same bed with him.  I was SO TIRED, and reached for the remote and turned on the Backyardigans.  It's a really cute kids show, especially if you like singing.  We finally made it into the rest of the house, had breakfast then got ready to go to the store.  I tried a different grocery store today. (Sac n Save).  It was okay, but I wasn't too fond of their produce section.   I tend to go crazy while shopping, especially when they have good deals.  So, I pulled up to the check out, and had about 10 items in the back that I wasn't sure I'd have the money for. (sad, I know).  Well, turns out I didn't have the money for them, oh well, at least I was smart enough to get a sub-total before I let her scan them.  It's real embarrassing when you have to ask the cashier to take off 7-10 items!  While she was ringing up the groceries, Noah either dropped or threw his sippy cup on the floor, but before it hit the floor, it hit my toes!!!  I had on sandals!!  Can you say shit piss fuck damn OUCH!?!??! 

We made it home and I unloaded everything, and put Noah down for his nap.  I stayed on the damn computer for at least an hour it seemed, I was putting a bunch more pics up on my Myspace account. 

For dinner I made tacos and a mexican cheese rice dish, they were really good and it was cute watching Noah devour the soft taco.  When sweetie came home from work, to my surprise, he had brought me home a single white rose!!  How sweet is that?  I feel special and appreciated. Good thing I was prepared when he came home. *wink*

Holy crap!!!  I was doing some work in the front yard, and on the side of the house there is an opening that goes under the house.  There was a screen there, but it was so old, it fell off and has been off for a LONG time.  While raking on the side of the house, I caught a glimpse of something I never want to see again!!!  A decomposing cat carcass!!!!  OMG, I get totally freaked out when it comes to dead or hurt animals!!! 

Thank God, I called the city and they already came and got it.  I'm just horrified knowing it's been there who knows how long, and to make it worse, that opening where it was is under Noah's room!!  Poor kitty. 

We went and got Noah's pictures professionally done (if that's what you want to call it) today, for the very first time!  I can't believe I waited so long to do this. *covers my head in shame*, but as you all know, I've taken hundreds if not over a thousand pics of him myself with my digi-cam. 

It was very frustrating, let me tell ya!  But, I think they turned out okay, out of the 6 poses, we picked this one.  (my mom went with us)

Here are the other poses.  We had to pick up there, while frustrated and tired, so I sure hope I picked the best one for the package deal!  (only like $5.95....I guess you get what you pay for ! LOL)

Mistakes In Life

There comes a time in our life

Where we could have stopped, we could have tried

To take a look at what we had

And realize it’s worth, and that it’s not so bad

But people make mistakes in life

And we can’t turn back the strong hands of time

Looking back if we could only change

We’d rearrange and change everything

We dream of what just could have been

If we could have found the strength within

Think of just where we’d be

But for some they never find the key

To unlock the path that they chose

So much lost time and so many bad blows

To the mind, the spirit and the heart

If only there’s a way again to start

To build what we once had before

And to bravely go through that door

Maybe not focus on the things we said

And just for the future make a new bed

Plant a seed and protect it with love

And have our loved ones smile down from above

10/28/03

Okay, random blog here about my snacky-snack...hehehe  :D

I have some left over mashed potatoes, I heated them up, put some MORE butter in there, along with shredded jack and cheddar cheese, I'm going to add a little sour cream and "Hell on the Red" hot sauce....very fitting, wouldn't you say? ;)

What do ya think about that!?!?!  :O

Let me go finish preparing, and tell you how it tastes....

Okay, sitting down, stirring it now, I poured me a glass of milk...that's right, did I ruin it for you?  I can drink milk with almost anything....

A little more salt....oh yes, here we go!!! *takes a bite*  OMG, it's delicious!!!!  I love it!!  Can anyone think of anything else I could have added to it?  I think it's perfect!  I think I'm in love! 

MOUTH ORGASM!!!  LOL  I'm feeling a little goofy tonight....just a little.  But ask anyone (yeah right, like there is anyone for YALL to ask)  I love my food and I get into it!!!  MMMMmmmmmm  :) :) :)

Warning, a little naughty!  *redjewel  says she always wonders exactly what the stories are behind my poems.  This is pretty self explanatory, but I wrote this in the past 2-3 years.  redjewel is my little sister, and I'm trying to get her to do some blogging, but she says she won't have time to go to people's blogs and comment and stuff.  I'll admit, it does take some time.  I suppose you can come here (Mindsay) as much as you'd like to, which in my case is, several times a day and for a pretty long stretch at night, including doing several other things.  Like right now, I have 6 windows open.  How many do you have open right now?  lol

Super-Girl

I know I rock your world

I am your super-girl

I am your cocoa pebbles

Smart, sexy and a rebel

I will be your butterfly

Come on baby watch me fly

Take my hand, hold it tight

Gonna make sweet love tonight

Feel me, touch me, hold my hand

I know it’s not a one night stand

Our love is real and long lasting

Now get over here and grab me

I want you now so grant my wish

Open up and eat my dish

My rose petals are waiting for you

I am laying here and ready to do

Anything to rock your world

You know I am your super-girl

Damn, I might not be on here that late tonight, I just "put" Sweetie and Noah in bed, (both in our bed) and he made a comment that I never go to bed with him anymore...and he said why would I need to do that when I have Mindsay!  Damn, weird how I was just blogging about being on here so much and there you go.  And here I go....for now.   ;)  :)  :P  :O  :|   

I need to know if anyone has any knowledge on this.  I owe money.  One of the millions of Americans that do.  I know I need to pay it, but it's to the point that I am being told that there is no more time, and they will have to procede to turn it over to someone who will come serve me with papers and take me to court.  I was told that I will have to get an attorney to represent me, and I'll end up having to owe lots more.  Is there any truth to this?

I told them I could pay them $50 a month, but they say it's not enough and it's too late to make payments.  I owe over $800 on this particular loan and he said he can resolve this for $500.  I don't have it, and I am not about to get another loan or ask my dad to borrow the money.  Hell, I owe about 6 other credit card companies money too.   They have my dad's phone # and address, so I'm not being bombarded with calls and mail, he is.  I feel real bad about that. (Some of them do have my address and phone # now) Somehow they got my work # and called me at work yesterday.  Is this against the law?  If I tell them not to call me at work, do they have to stop? 

Should I just tell them to go ahead and turn it over to whoever, if they can't make payment arrangements with me?  Also, does anyone know if there are companies out there that can help me consolidate my debt and pay it off, even if the debt is 4 years old? 

HELP!!!

Last night, my mom woke up to her dogs barking like crazy and a little animal (unknown at the time) screaming.  When she went outside, on her back porch was a tiny little baby squirrel, with her big lab Wolfie over it barking his head off.  The baby squirrel was terrified, so my mom scooped it up and as soon as she did, it quieted down right away!  She knows I am the animal person in the family, and as many of my friends and family members do, I woke up to an email asking me to call her right away to tell her how to take care of it.  I know nothing about it, but I did a search and got more than enough info, and forwarded it to her.  She's been taking care of it all day, and probably will until she thinks it will be okay on it's own.  I'm proud of her because even though she has 4 dogs, she's not really too much of an animal person, at least not wild animals!  This squirrel is just too cute though!!  Check it out....

Jennifer

Spirit Lake

This is my spirit lake

Her water whispers

Her trees caress me

Inside my spirit lake

Lies truth and beauty

Feelings overcome

With complete faith

I now devote myself

To hope ignited

My passion springs

The bubbles of happiness

In my spirit lake

10/20/96

Something Inspiring

Something "imprinted" on my mind

A life that "suits" me

Wanting to eliminate all of the negatives

Being useful in my own special way

Finding the creature within

Watching pieces of the puzzle come together

Generating passion and excitement

Unfolding is the vision in my mind

If my heart can be a shining star

May I be a blessing to all

3/08/00

This is one of my best friend's favorite poems that I have written.  I really did feel this way at one time. 

Restless Heart

Restless mind, restless heart

Stumbling, fading in the dark

Lonely heart, whispering soft

Fading as the dust of a moth

Bleeding heart, feeling pain

Crying, pouring like the rain

Hopeful heart, needs a chance

Inviting in true romance

Lingering, longing, lonely heart

Embracing, needing a new start

Wondering, wishing, wanting more

Open heart and open door

Shimmering, shining, shadowed soul

Expecting, needing the chance to grow

Past regrets, future hopes

Wondering, hoping I can cope

Love to give, space to fill

Decisions, wanting to reveal

Truth to shine, time to pass

Praying, dreaming my heart will last

Enter freedom, flying pain

Shooting, soaring, darkened stain

Questions, answers, love to find

Confessions bending, warping time

Wishing, wanting to be heard

Fate will speak without a word

12/20/01

For news, stories and ways to donate here are a couple of links.  I think everyone needs to know the reality of what's happened.  For me, it's right next door.  (I'm from TX).  I'm really sad and praying for the families and people affected by this storm, and everything she's brought with her.  (tornados)

http://www.stormaid.com/main.html

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9063708/

http://arc.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=ntld_main

Light the Silence

The wishes we may seem to have

Can quickly fall to hell

The twists and turns in life for us

Can surely ring the bell

Anger burns within the bones

To quickly start a fire

No way out, fuse is burning

Smoke is getting higher

People numb their frozen hearts

Who can only see one way

It takes away the peaceful feeling

It takes away the day

Turn it into something deeper

Shallowness drowned in light

Silence the sun into the mind

And win without a fight

7/12/96

Not Enough To Fall

I see your vulnerability

It works it’s way into me

I am not disregarding

That the tables are turning

Who is holding back

Is it me or is it you

Fears are overcoming us

Feelings stifled by reality

Hearts cry, at the wrong time

At the right time

The tears that you’re weeping

The way we’ve been creeping

Confusion sets in

But not enough to fall

12/10/01

Sweetie couldn't find a ring this morning, that I bought him in Mexico almost 10 years ago.  I woke up to an email that said this...

I sure am sad about my ring. That trinket has very special meaning to me (you bought that for me 10 years ago), it's the longest I've ever has a piece of jewelry and I loves it SOOO much. It's not replaceable.  I forgot to put it on yesterday and left it out, and you cleaned house which means there's a good chance it's lost.  Do you ever loose any of your stuff when you clean? Do you go into a hypnotic zone when you clean that disables your memory? I'm not trying to gripe at you but I'm very frustrated with my things getting lost.  I'm sad...L 

Now, I feel bad that he can't find the ring, but I haven't seen it!  He ALWAYS finds a way to make me feel like it's my fault when he can't find certain things.  Yet I am the one who is expected to keep up with everything in the house?  I'm not an idiot, I wouldn't just throw things away!!  The things that he can't find have to be somewhere!! 

Just wondering if anyone else goes through this, with their significant other.  It's very frustrating.  There's not much defense for someone that knows they didn't lose the other person's stuff.  This isn't the first bf I've had that has put the blame on me for this kind of thing.  Is it just a man thing?

Hey everyone, I don't often open blogs up like that but I'll admit, you got me, I've been drinking tonight, and a little smokin', and I feel pretty good.  Wanted to shout out to all of my friends out there, you all are great!  I worked today then came home, ate and took my son to my sister's house.  My niece is about  3 years and 5 months old and my nephew is only 11days older than Noah.  (18 months).  I got to spend some Q-time with my awesome sister, and our kids got to play.  *so happy* 

I usually work every Saturday, so tomorrow will be a nice treat for me.  Sweetie and I are supposed to go on a date tomorrow.  YAAY    I am not quite sure what we will be doing but *Paul* is going to baby sit.  I'm thinking maybe like going to the lake, taking a blanket, snacks and some wine or some alcoholic beverage and relaxing, having our own special romantic time.  We need it, we are a loving couple, but so much into the routine of every day life, like most people are.  Who knows though, it may be too crowded or too hot, so we might go for some bowling.  I hope it all works out.  One of his friend's bands are going to be playing tomorrow night and he would like to go, so I may have to let him go later on, which probably means I will have time to catch up on some of your blogs....comment, or simpy PASS OUT!!  LMAO

I might blog some more after this.... wait, I need to respond.... hehehehe

Just wanting to get the word out that our wonderful snuggs  is starting up a project to help relieve some of the victims of Katrina in her state.  Here is her post and her new blogsite devoted just for this cause....please help in any way you can.  :)

Remember the ring that he emailed me about, and thought I misplaced?  That day, he found it under his desk at work.  (I knew it!!)

YAAAY~!~

OMG, this is toooooo funny!!!!!!

check it out....

http://www.mdna.net/kooks.html

Well, isn't it wonderful how we can just bounce inspiration off of one another?  A poem I wrote and posted (My Dream Guy) inspired darkchristian06 to write something kind of similiar about his girlfriend.  Which in turn, inspired me to write this.....it feels good to write because I haven't really done that in a while.   Here you go...  :)

Stuck in Confusion

I am feeling very lost and confused

At this point I don’t know what to do

I hope all of my patience hasn’t been used

I just need to know what is going on with you

A ghost of a relationship is what we have

Just typing those words makes me sad

I know for us there is good and bad

I am really tired of trying not to get mad

You know that my heart needs tender care

It seems you throw my feelings in the air

My mind’s in circles going everywhere

I need some hope to disguise this despair

If you really love me then why can’t I tell

We hardly talk now, only through email

This love’s got me blind I’m stuck in your spell

Why can’t I say that everything is well

I am torn with my heart and torn with my mind

This confusion needs to be put on rewind

Emptiness and sadness is all that I find

When all I have to rely on is time

10/26/01

Untitled

Would you like to see into my world

Maybe just for a minute or two

Into my whirlwind of emotions

And everything my heart's been through

Would you like for me to open up

And for me to trust you with my soul

Tell you my secrets for you to keep

Give you a little bit of control

To judge me, or judge me not

Please don't feel sorry for me

Don't think I'm horrible or so mixed up

Because deep down my heart's really free

Did you know I wrote this poem just now

I'm making it up as I go along

It's just for you and it feels okay

To you my friendship belongs

I am off to work.  I hope everyone has a wonderful day!  :)

My Mother is awesome.  I wrote her a belated poem today, her birthday was on the 6th of Sept.  Here it is...

And, I had remembered that the day I had Noah, she wrote me the most touching email I've ever received.  Somehow I guess I deleted it, (I know, bad Jen Jen!) so I asked her today if by chance she still had it, and she did!!  YAAAY!!  So, I just thought I'd post it and share it.  This way I will never "misplace" it again....lol.   Here it is....

I'm so tired.  It was a very busy day at work.  I came home and played with Noah.  He is at such a fun age right now.  I love being silly with him, I am really good at that.  :)  Everyday he is becoming more and more lovable.  He just offers up kisses all of the time.  He really plants them on us too.  He's also really starting to talk.  He repeats things.  He's been saying "cool".  I really need to be taking some video of him.   I'm really looking forward to spending the day with him and Sweetie tomorrow. 

Tonight, we went and ate at Red Lobster  .  It was delicious and afterwards I was miserable.  Besides the salad, stuffed fish, scallops, shrimp and baked potato, I ate more than enough garlic cheddar biscuits!  MMMMmmm MMM!  Then we came home and watched Shark Tale.  I really liked it!   I don't see how an ocean worshipping scuba diver couldn't!  It was really cute, and I think we'll be seeing a lot more of it.  It's nice to have a new kids movie to have on besides Finding Nemo, Shrek 2 or the Incredibles.  (Love 'em all)  Anyways, I hope everyone is having a nice weekend, and I'm going to try to catch up on reading blogs soon.  ;)

I wanted to ask you all what you think about private schools.  What are the pros and cons of letting your child attend private school?  And, what do you think about private school vs. public school?  I know my son is only 18 months old, but Sweetie and his family seem set on Noah going to a private school.  We sort of got into an arguement about it today.  I just want to know what the big deal is.  We don't have a lot of money and I know it's expensive.  Not to say things can't or won't change by the time he is old enough to start school.

I just don't want to go into something blindly.  Are there studies that show that kids who attend private schools get better teaching?  Are the teachers better?  What about the sport activities, are they better in public schools? 

I know I'll have to do some research.  I just don't want to feel pushed into this, just because his WHOLE family is all for it.  (Don't get me wrong, he has a great family)  I attended a private Christian school during 6th and 7th grade.  There were only about 100 students in the whole school, kindergarden to 12th grade.  Looking back, it was a joke.  Every school has it's problems.  In the end though, I really just want what's best for Noah.  And if he will get a better education at a private school, then that is great.  I also want to make sure he'll have great life experiences too, if that makes any sense.

Any insight is greatly appreciated.  :)

Noah keeps me smiling....here are a few pics.  Give me time to size them, and you might have to click on reply to see them better.

I just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to give me your opinions on public and private schools.  I'm so thankful to have you all to help me whenever I need it!  *big hugs*  I have been pre-occupied over the past few days and didn't respond to any of you.  I'm so sorry!  But, again, thank you for your imput, and I will definitely take it all into consideration, along with more and more research, so when the time comes, I can do what is best for Noah.

For those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I am going through a rough, emotional time.  With the exception of 2 people who read my blog, I really don't know any of you.  I've never heard your voices, but I hear "you" all of the time.  I've never seen your faces, but I see "you" everyday.

I know this relationship I have is not only with my keyboard. LOL   It is a unique blend of faces, places, hearts and minds.  I get unlimited support, attention and opinions.  I love the cyber hugs too!  :)  I also get inspiration in many ways.  From just knowing that you are there, to wanting to share something meaningful, silly, "not right"  ;)  or sad.  Having mindsay to bounce my feelings and thoughts off of is honestly so wonderful, it's hard to put it into words. 

I found something in Mindsay, that I never dreamed I'd find.  Yet sometimes it crazy to me how I will confide in people all over the USA (or the world).  Do I trust you all?  Yes.  Do I love you all?  Some.  Do I need you all?  Maybe.

I feel like I am on fire right now with my writing.  I'm going to take advantage of my feelings, and I'm going to take advantage of Mindsay.  I love being able to do this.  Writing has always been my best form of expression.  Although I do love to sing, and I have been told that my facial expressions and eyes can say it all.  :D

What is the purpose of this blog?  To tell you all that I appreciate the uniqueness I find in all of you.  Even if you've never responded to my blog, I appreciate you.  And to all of my friends who have been supporting me and adding much flavor and fun to my life, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.  I love you guys, and you know who you are.

Just remember to always act the way you'd like to be treated.  When you go to rest your head at night, be happy with yourself.  Because in the end, that is all that matters.

I changed my blog to what I am feeling, or have been feeling lately.  My poem "Shivering Madness" that I wrote and posted yesterday reflects some of those feelings.  Then, right after I changed it, I wrote this....go figure, hehe

Ice Cold

I can’t believe what I see

Is this really staring back at me

This memory will be etched in my head

Forever

I must go through this pain

I will push on, until I break down the walls

In your heart, and my own

Because now I am ice cold

(I'll be warm for my Mindsay friends though!)  :)  Like I said before, I am going to write until I can't write any more!  Whatever comes out, comes out.  I love it.

After I wrote this today, I feel like I hit a home run!!!  LMAO  I love that feeling! 

Breaking Ground

I shall face my life now

I will hunt it down

I will force myself upon it

And drill ‘til I break ground

Life don’t hide from me

I know you’re in my face

My body rests upon your shore

My head is in its place

Love don’t leave me hangin’

I held on to you so long

I’m reminded of you every time

I hear a damn sad song

Sun, keep on a shining

I’ll open up my blinds

Rain can come but I don’t care

The tears will cleanse my mind

9/14/05

Today has been good.  I asked my boss if I could work a few extra hours a week, and she said yes....so more money! YAY!!  :)

AND.....

Tonight, Noah and I were grocery shopping, and we passed a black guy who asked how we were doing, and Noah responded by saying, "what are you doing"  but it was more like, "wuderudoin"  LOL!!!  Right about that time, I was in shock, asking myself if he really just said that, and the guy chuckles and says, "I'm just grocery shopping".  hehehe  I was still in shock and looked at Noah then at the guy and asked him, "Did he just say....what are you doing?"  And he's like, "that what it sounded like!"   I told the guy that Noah has never said that before and we started laughing, then Noah started laughing too! 

I'll never forget that guy.  I'm just amazed!  Noah doesn't really have a big vocabulary, just this week he started saying "Apple" and I was shocked and amazed! 

So, as if him having a conversation with a stranger at 18 months old, wasn't enough...it gets even bettter!!  hehehe   Okay, check it out, we pulled up to the check out, and the cashier lady is staring at him like, adults stare at cute little kids, and Noah looked right at her, and I guess he noticed she had been staring at him, and he said, "what?"  And to my surprise, the lady goes, "nothing!"  

I'm going to enjoy this, my baby boy learning how to talk.  I'm just beside myself with joy.  :)

Hope everyone is having a good night.  Love to all.

Isn't it weird when you come home from work, and you start doing things around the house, get in your car to go to the store, look at the time and realize that this is the first time you've sat down in over 2 hours?  I'm tired!

I listened to Depeche Mode, Violater on the way to and from the store.  I love that album.  Actually it was a tape, my cd player isn't working, still.  Anyways, the night is clear, the moon is bright, and "Waiting for the night to fall" came on.  Fitting for the mood, I'd say.

That's all.  For now.  I better hit the sack soon.  :)  (or at least go lay down and catch up on some of my shows!)  :D

Couldn't go to sleep, so I got up and wrote this.  Not sure how much longer I'll be up though.

I jogged a mile today at the track right before 12:00, an hour before I had to be at work.  When I jog, my face turns bright red and takes about an hour to go back to it's original color.  lol  I'm on a diet and on a mission to lose some weight.  Doing good so far, it's not easy!  I guess that will make the reward that much better.  :)

I need to figure the bills.  I did half of it tonight and will finish in the morning.  I'm also going to run and get a few things, for the weekend storms that are supposed to be coming from hurricane Rita.  I think it's not going to hit DFW directly, but you never know.  So, we will be giving the dogs baths and preparing to bring them in the house on Saturday.  Boy will that be interesting, since Moby and Chuy don't really like each other.  Good thing I have a baby gate, that helps. 

Both of our cars are full of gas, so that's cool.  A girl I work with was in line for gas this morning for a long time, and when she finally got to the pump, they had ran out.  So she goes down the street for more gas, only to have the same thing happen to her, no gas.  I've been watching news on Rita all day. 

I was just going to post this poem but I guess I had a little more to say.  lol  *hugs to everyone*  I am not sure if I've posted this one, but if it is a repeat, sorry!  :P

Live or Die

Life and death, are they the same

Or a suspicious ploy to keep us sane

A brilliant taste of what it’s like

Provoking the question of the afterlife

Raining spirits flying high

Shall we live or shall we die

Or separate the two of them

And let death die to let life win

Blind Faith

You seem so far away

Though I talk to you everyday

I know you are here in my heart

It is so hard being apart

With you these feelings I must share

There is so much about that I care

In tune with the task at hand

In my mind developing a plan

To be true to these feelings I must

Put in our love a great deal of trust

Forever in your arms I will be

If I throw away any insecurity

Remembering all the talks that we’ve had

And knowing it’s okay to be sad

To my feelings I must be true

It’s the only thing I know how to do

Focusing on what’s meant to be

Facing life together, you and me

I realize this can’t happen fast

But I do know that our love will last

In the end I know this will prove

Because of everything we are going though

10/24/01

Stuck in Confusion

I am feeling very lost and confused

At this point I don’t know what to do

I hope all of my patience hasn’t been used

I just need to know what is going on with you

A ghost of a relationship is what we have

Just typing those words makes me sad

I know for us there is good and bad

I am really tired of trying not to get mad

You know that my heart needs tender care

It seems you throw my feelings in the air

My mind’s in circles going everywhere

I need some hope to disguise this despair

If you really love me then why can’t I tell

We hardly talk now only through email

This love’s got me blind I’m stuck in your spell

Why can’t I say that everything is well

I am torn with my heart and torn with my mind

This confusion needs to be put on rewind

Emptiness and sadness is all that I find

When all I have to rely on is time

10/26/01

What Happened

I am falling can you catch me

Or at least break my fall

You seem to care but maybe

That’s not the case at all

I need someone to count on

Someone who’s always there

Can’t you make the time for me

If you have some to spare

Your life is chaos, I know

But I have a life too

What happened to the friend I had

What happened to you

11/01/01

Go check this out....hehehe

http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf 

Hey!  What's everyone doing out there?  Right now!  Tell me what you're doing, thinking and feeling.  Or none of it.  Just say hi if you read this!!  I dare ya!  :| 

I'm having a Mike's hard cranberry lemonade, and it's mighty tasty if I do say so....  :)

Well, I've been sick pretty much all day.  I still went to work, and stayed even though I got sick a couple of times.  It was from coughing and gagging.  YUCK! 

Anyways, after work I took my friend home to the next city over, Arlington.  I was actually born in Arlington, but I have never lived there.   She found out yesterday that she is pregnant, and I feel sorry for her because she and her long time boyfriend had been having major problems. 

Tonight it's taco night!  We've been doing this on Saturdays, and I really like it!  Well, kid is screaming, gotta go! 

Today we are doing flea control.  I went to Home Depot, and I got some yard spray, gloves and another rake.  Oh, and a huge dust pan to help get the leaves (and crap) into the trash bags.  Sweetie's out there right now raking, and I've already done a little raking.  It's going to be a big job, but at least we are working together to get it done.  I'm waiting for Noah to go down for his nap.  I'm probably about to put him to bed. 

I'm still sick, but I have energy so I'm going to use it.  I know I should probably be resting, but we can't let this flea problem go on any longer.  This morning, Moby (in back) was whining right by our window, then he STARTED SCRATCHING THE HOUSE!  Poor guy, he's miserable!  Well, gotta get to work!  Have a great Sunday.

An old poem I wrote...

Our Friends

Whales have beauty inside

Don’t let them die

It’s almost all we have

To hold on to God’s plan

Murderers you are

You won’t get too far

I’ll tear you in two

If I ever see you

Greedy hearts that don’t ache

Compassion they fake

They just don’t care

Kindness – no where

Leave them alone

Let them go home

They will swim free

If you just let them be

They are our friends

We won’t let you win

They’ll try to survive

Until you let them all die

3/3/96

I witnessed something very disturbing and sad today.  I saw 2 animal control trucks pull up across the street.  My neighbor, who I have never met until today, was out in the front while the dog catchers backed down the driveway to take her 2 black labs away.  I noticed her crying and in her front yard stressing out.  My dogs in the front started barking, and I went outside to shush them, and I heard her dogs screaming in her back yard.  It sounded like something terrible was happening to them.  It was pretty unbearable.  I saw her face as her dogs were screaming and it tore me up.  So even though I looked terrible, (been laying around trying to recover from being sick...well I still am but taking medicine) I got me and Noah halfway presentable and went over and comforted my neighbor as the animal control people were about to leave with her dogs.  I guess this was goodbye and she'll never see them again.  I'm sure you are wondering why in the world they would take her dogs....

Well, I'm not quite clear because she was crying and could hardly talk but she said that she is moving into an apartment, and it's all her fault, the dogs aren't socialized, and one of them became vicious.  She said that family that lived in a condemned house next to her, their kids would tease her dogs.  She had the dogs for 6 years.  I could see she was in terrible agony.  One of them bit its tongue during the capture.  Apparently the dogs are going to get rehabilitated and they won't destroy them.  I don't know if they bit anyone, but like I said, she could barely talk, and I just told her I was so sorry and gave her a hug. 

Her heart is in a million pieces right now, and anyone that has pets knows that they are part of your family.  I'm pretty sure there are things I don't know, but I can tell you that that lady loves her dogs.  I just hope I was able to offer some kind of comfort, in a terrible time in her life.  Too bad that is how we met, but I am sort of shy and keep to myself.  I had to know what was happening to those poor dogs, and I wanted to offer a hug to this lady I've never met, because boy did she need one.   

Okay, so I can't relate to ALL of this....but some or most of it....LOL

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM TEXAS IF ... 

1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Mexia, Waco, and Amarillo.

2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

5. You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

10. You measure distance in minutes.

11. You refer to the capital of Texas as "home of the longhorns." (HOOK'EM HORNS!!) OR, if you're an Aggie (Whoop!) "home of the left-wing, liberal, tree-hugging hippies."

12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash.

13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.

14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

16. You know cowpies are not made of beef.

17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

18. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

19. A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

20. You know which state Miam-uh is in.......and which states Miam-ee is in.

21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.

22. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.

23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.

24. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

25. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.

26. You actually get these jokes and are "fixin' " to send them to your friends.

27. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation: "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper."

Holy Crap!!  I forgot to add the punchline to the joke!  Here it is....SORRY!!!! Hehehe

SHE SAID "NO, I'M YOUR SONS MATH TEACHER."

I don't think I should.....

But I'm going to anyway.....

(this is what I just said to myself as I grabbed the last of the fudge grahams)  :P

I may have posted this before...

Soul in Question

Selfishly observing

How I test the time

Constantly wondering

Where I draw the line

Always in need

To feel complete

Sometimes not seeing

The real defeat

I want to run

And never hide

Have some fun

And never die

So I’m a contradiction

Soon to be discovered

Discord is my affliction

Soon to be uncovered

My face is a clue

To a soul in question

What is a day

With a bad connection

Hiding my strengths

Showing my flaws

Remembering the pleasures

Of seeing it all

Always unveiling

My hopes and dreams

Hesitantly telling

All that it seems

12/21/97

I just had a long conversation with my sister.  I love catching up with her.  She told me I needed to change my header picture.  LOL    So I did....  :)

I'm trying to be a better person.  I don't feel like elaborating now, except to say that the passage that greeneggsandham put up not to long ago has inspired me.  I must copy it here...

Corinthians 13

Love is patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud. Love is never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand it’s own way. Love is not irritable or touchy. Love does not hold grudges and will hardly notice when others do it wrong. Love is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out.

When I read this, it made me realize that I could love so much better, and be so much better.

I constantly hate on myself for my habits, yet, I'm so torn because my habits also make me happy.  Will I always be torn?  Will I ever say enough is enough and change?  Are my habits really that bad?

I eat too much.

I smoke too much.

I spend too much.

Yet those things do and can make me happy.

But yes, I do want to lose weight.

And I do want a clearer mind and to be healthier.

I'd love to save money and reach our goals.

*sigh*  Just thinking out loud here.  Any comments are certainly welcome.  :)

So many things to change...

So much to rearrange...

I know I can find, in me...

The person that I want to be....

Thanks barryfox1 !!  After reading your most recent poem that you posted, I wrote this. 

This was Noah when he was a little younger.

What's the easiest way to make a picture wide enough for a header picture?  Every freaking picture I try to make my header, is too narrow.  I don't have a program to size the pics and I don't know how to on Microsoft Paint, so can anyone help me? 

I feel blah right now.  Blah blah blah.  :(

When Sweetie came home, he had a cake he had brought home that his coworkers got him for his birthday.  As he sat it down in the kitchen, he said, "I shouldn't have brought this home."  And I said, "why, because of me?"  And he said yes!

He's at practice and I now have a tummy ache!  :(  LOL!!   I hate when he's right like that!

I've been so busy lately, got lots on my plate right now.  My friend who I work with who is pregnant and just got out of a bad (abusive) relationship came to stay with us last night.  I'm not sure how long she will stay but our doors are open as long as she needs to. 

Had some family drama last night.  I hate how mom's can try to make you feel guilty and say the most ridiculous and rude things.  I hope I am never like that with Noah, but I also know mom's can be that way. 

I feel better today, my house is clean.  I've been sort of down in the dumps lately.  Today feels better though.  Thank God!  I hope all of you are doing well and have a wonderful weekend. 

Love,

Jen

Sunday  - 2 pm

I am kicking back a little, propped up on 4 pillows.  I'm feeling the need to let inspiration feed me.  I want to dive into self exploration of all that I'm made of.  The B-52's are on Sirius.  I just took a bite of a Hershey's with Almonds milk chocolate dipped cookie, OMG!  It's soooooo delicious!  I have an ice cold Dr Pepper to wash it down with.

Now, why should I feel guilty about that?  Part of me feels by indulging like that, is interfering with my goals.  The other part is happy and content living in the moment.  I find myself conflicted with the present and the future.  Being analytical has it's setbacks.

I'd like to uncover the reasons I do what I do.  My fears, my worries, my attitude and outlook could all use some therapy, organization, or whatever you want to call it.  I have my theories on the things I need to change and the things I want to change.

Not only do I want to do a fine tune up on my mind, I'd like to do the same with my house, my hobbies, relationships and of course my body.  The question is, where do I start?

Being a gemini, I have many parts to me, many views and many voices.  Sometimes I wonder if I *need* drama or chaos, just because that is what I am used to.  If I become the person that I daydream that I can be, it may be a shock to my system, but I believe I'll be a lot happier with myself and my life.

It's not easy to be in this position.  Mostly because I've been this way for so long.  Does this mean I don't fully appreciate what I have? *sigh*

I'm going to be my own therapist.  I want to be my own hero.  I want to truly believe in myself and be proud of who I am.

As a woman, there is so much more in life for me.

As a parent, I need to be healthy and sharp minded.

As a lover, I want to have a good body image so I radiate with confidence.

I want my family members to know me as someone who can take care of myself and my family and home.  Also as someone you can always count on.  (This goes for friends as well.)

I just want to shine in all areas of my life.

I'm not trying to say that I don't do these things, I'm just saying that I want to be the best I can be.  Deep down, I know I have rivers and oceans of love, inspiration and life to heat me up and cool me down as the seasons of my mind blow through.  Time to get to work!  Time to face eternity.

Everyone, please go welcome my very best friend, picesfish !!!  He's the guy I normally refer to as *Paul*.  :)

Damn, the Cowboys just lost to the Seahawks!  Dang it!!!!!

 Hey everyone.  Maybe I haven't been blogging because I've been busy.  Or not in the mood.  Or, here's a good one, things have been pretty boring around here, so I haven't really had anything to blog about.  LOL

Really though, how can things be boring with a 20 month old little boy running around?  Explains why I haven't had much time.  Between him, housework, Sweetie, and my friend staying with us, I've been neglecting my Mindsay friends.  I miss you all.  I'm in the mood though, to go visit blogs, so be expecting some comments from me! 

We FINALLY treated our backyard for fleas today.  Before we sprayed, we raked up about 35 big bags of leaves and crap.  I'm embarressed when I look at all of the bags on our curb, ready for the trash men tomorrow!  :O  hehe  Oh well, I'm tired, but we needed to do that desparetly. 

Moby is in the kitchen now, so the flea poison can dry in the yard.  He's chillin on the floor.  I'm sure he's enjoying it.  I can't wait to be able to put Chuy and Gretta back in the back yard, and Moby in the front, so I can take Noah out in the front yard to play. 

See, isn't this a really boring post?  I'm sorry.  LOL  I'm silly aren't I?  I did get a new book called Self Matters, Creating your life from the inside out, by Dr. Phil.  I know a lot of people don't like him, but I do, and I need all the inspiration I can get!  I'll try to post more poems and pics, if I don't do personal blogs.  Love to all...

Jen

Pathetic Wishes

Why aren’t you here to help me?

Why aren’t you here to care?

I could make believe you love me

But your feelings aren’t here to share

I thought we had it together

I guess I must have been wrong!

‘cause you were never here anyway

Even though with you is where I belong

Don’t try to get back in my head

It’s way too late for those games

I’m about as strong as a dandelion

And your wind would cause me much pain

Go away, live your life, be happy

Whatever you want to do

‘cause even though I can’t see you now

In my heart I’ll be holding you

Let Me Fly

You are not the sun

I do not revolve around you

This is not fun

Whining is all I can do

You take my free spirit

And shackle it to the floor

Then you tell me you love me

Maybe I want more

Please understand

These things have to change

Let me fly happily

So our love can remain

You say that I’m selfish

Well, maybe that’s true

Is it such a sin

To put myself before you?

The future’s before us

Can we face the task?

The question remains

As long as we clash

We are who we are

The reality’s so real

If I was a murderer

Confusion I’d kill

Or maybe frustration

Would be first on my list

Give me a break

So I can resist

These feelings of anger

My tempers to flare

Let’s solve this puzzle

So you’ll know I care

2/29/96

Yours truly will be attending the Nascar races this Sunday at Texas Motor Speedway!!  

YAAAAY!!!  Which also means I'll be getting drunk.  LOL 

Hmmm, who should I go for?  I usually go for #17, Matt Kenseth. 

Just wrote this.....

Stealing my own thoughts

Top Blogs #1 through #5 are all great reading material if you ask me!  I know you didn't ask me.....hehehe   but I am telling you anyway!  What I don't get is that most of them had no comments when I came across them, yet they were top blogs.  Do people nominate a lot without commenting?   Aren't comments really what most of us are looking for?    :)

Hey, thanks to everyone who went to welcome my best friend picesfish !  I know he hasn't responded to any of your comments...LOL  And I have a confession....I set up his account here, typed everything (while he was sitting next to me), it was all my idea, I even spelled pisces wrong, only because I was in a hurry.  I'm sure he'll get on when he's ready....I think he's waiting on me to show him around a little.....  :) 

While I'm at it, I wish my sister, redjewel would post something someday.....maybe some pics of my darling niece and nephew, I guess I'll have to do that for her, but I know you redjewel , you are picky and you'd want to approve every picture before I posted it...hehehe  just kidding but you know I have a point!   My sister is moving in a couple of months, a couple of hours away.  I'm going to miss her so much!!!

Then there is another one of my best friends moonlitnite that I had get on here a while back, but she likes MySpace a lot better.  So, I don't think she comes here much.  I have an account over there to, you may visit it and see my page of pictures at

http://blog.myspace.com/redheadedpoet

I'm exhausted.

Nascar races and drinking Zima tomorrow....LOL

Oh, and taking pics!  :P

I need to go to bed.  But I know I'll watch my soap....I have 2 days to catch up on.  At least I'll be laying down!  Nite everyone, and have a great day tomorrow.

I'll post my Nascar pics.  I got too drunk and we left early.  More later on that day though...lol.

Hey what's up....I'm finally going to do it yall, I'm finally going to post the pics, I'm going to leave them big so you'll have to click on a couple of things to see them but you pros already know that.  It's been nice catching up with a few of you, I know I have a lot more I hardly talk to.  Anyhoo, lots of Nascar pics and pics of that day are coming up, so Greenie, and Free4ever hope you see some you like, I did the best I could with where I was and my abilities!!  :)

Crap, some are too big and right now, for some reason I cannot edit them..... usually I can go in and resize them after I've posted...sorry.  I'll try again tomorrow and let yall know when I do....love to all.  Nite.

Jen

Here are all of the pictures I took, from start to finish. In my opinion, I used up my memory way too fast! I was excited, the races are exciting and just being in that atmosphere is a rush! Me, my boyfriend and my best friend went. We left really early anticipating a bunch of traffic, but we got there around 3 hours before the race even started! So, we parked, partied and had fun. Unfortunately we were sitting in the sun the whole time, and the combo of the beer, (well, Zima for me), sun, and loud cars became too much, and we left early. But we had a blast! To see the full pic, click on my reply button then click more. :) Here is a pic of a couple of different, but happy trees. hehe What can I say, I'm a nature girl. :) This was before we entered the gates. Here's a small sample of what most of the parking lot looked like. We parked really far away from the Speedway, and I still couldn't get the whole thing in my picture! Here's Chriso with the mini-keg...aren't they cute?  

(Please see my next blog for this pic, I couldn't get it on here for some reason!)  While we were in the parking lot, many planes and helicopters were flying by. I wish I would have taken a pic of the cool copters! But, you'll have to settle for this banner that was flying behind a plane, it's for the Johnny Cash movie, "Walking the Line" Here are 2 of the 4 most important men in my life!!! (Chriso - my best friend of 15 years or more, and Dave, aka Sweetie) I guess I don't have to point out that big zit on my face! (I stole that line from my sister, redjewel!! LOL Can you tell I was having a good time!? ;) Here's a couple of pics of us walking up to the Speedway...(well Dave and Chriso actually, I was taking the pic, duh!) This is what we saw once we entered the Speedway. I sure wish I would have had those box seats!!! I know, I know, I shouldn't have wasted 3 pics on the boxes but I was excited and not thinking! hehehe Okay, here they come, this was the start of the race. I think it's a cool picture. And here are some random shots, hope you see someone you like in there! I tried! Chriso helped me take some pics, it was so darn hard to focus, and they were going so fast! (Notice the Shiner in Chriso's hand...LOL) Okay, well folks, this is my second time posting this, last night I did it and the pics were too big and after I posted them, I couldn't resize them. My dumbass erased all of them!! So, if you think you are only seeing part of the pic, I'm sorry. Hope you enjoy! Especially Greenie and Free4ever!! (My thoughts are with you S!)

I'm sick today, I called in to work.  My nose is dripping, my body aches, and I just don't feel good.  I think I'm contagious.  I'm glad when I called in that I didn't get an attitude like I think I have before.  I hate the guilt of calling in, but I never do unless I really need to.  Plus, Sweetie is going out of town tomorrow to Austin to go to a Lord of the Rings event.  He's going with his mom and sister, they are LOTR fanatics.  They get to watch all three movies while being served breakfast, lunch and dinner by people dressed up like the characters.  I'll miss him, but I know they will have a great time.  So, at least I'm home today with him and Noah, even though I'm sick.  I think I'll go back to bed.  I took some Delsym cough syrup, Dave's mom who is a nurse told me it's the strongest over the counter cough medicine you can buy.  And, I have a nasal degongestant that works wonders.  Ahhhhh, some relief!!  

Have a great Sunday everyone!  Here's a funny note; last night as I was trying to go to sleep, I kept thinking about wonderingsoul and squidbrainiac  meeting!!  I'm really excited for them and hope it's everything they are hoping for!

If you haven't looked at my Nascar pics, go look!  Have a nice day everyone.

Jen

My sister redjewel (she hasn't made a blog yet, she mainly reads my blog, I got her to sign up on here just so she could read mine) and her husband are in Las Vegas for the weekend.   I bet they are having a blast!! 

I went to Vegas once.  Didn't gamble much but we partied all night.  It was St. Patrick's Day, and I remember I was wearing a green satin blouse.  We left the club at 7:30 am and went to some after party where they had strobe lights and smoke going and they were serving Mimosas.  Crazy!

On another note, Dave (Sweetie) is at a Stryper concert tonight. http://www.stryper.com/ Remember them??!!  They are that Christian rock band that had a radio hit a loooooong time ago!  His friend is promoting the show, and he's never seen them and being a musician he had liked them for a long time, so I'm sure he'll have fun. 

I'm still very sick. :(  Hopefully tomorrow I will feel better.  I'd like to take Noah to the park or something.

I went over to the blog of divine and clicked on this link

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

It's quite an interesting test.  I've been wondering what's up with me....LOL  I needed some of the questions to have more choices than "yes" or "no"!!   I could have clicked on "depends" or "sometimes" on some of them....I tend to be indecisive at times.  (I am a Gemini)  :)

Here are my results....

(I hope this works!)

 DisorderRating

Paranoid Personality Disorder:Low

Schizoid Personality Disorder:Low

Schizotypal Personality Disorder:Moderate

Antisocial Personality Disorder:Low

Borderline Personality Disorder:Low

Histrionic Personality Disorder:Low

Narcissistic Personality Disorder:Moderate

Avoidant Personality Disorder:Moderate

Dependent Personality Disorder:Moderate

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Info --

Does yours match?   (ADULTS ONLY)

AQUARIUS Jan 21 - Feb 19 Ruling Planet: URANUS. The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship, it's the mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on.They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the signs.Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot! Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them. FAVE POSITION Mutual masturbation. BEST SEX TOY A Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some fun with this. AQUARIUS MALE IN BED He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at 5am... he's just not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved. He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life. AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BED She's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most definitely lead to some action! PISCES Feb 20 - March 20 Ruling Planet: NEPTUNE The God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and sexual fantasies Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands. Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you! When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon. Music also gets them in the mood. One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become very, very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-tale romance that they ruin the happy ending themselves. FAVE POSITION Pisces is all about Oral affections! BEST SEX TOY A copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything PISCES MALE IN BED He is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he can be a bit flighty.But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride! PISCES FEMALE IN BED She needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol', same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCES The Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off and lightly massage peppermint oil all over their feet, paying close attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this! Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one. Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!! ARIES March 21-April 20 Ruling Planet: MARS The bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action! Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries, so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found paradise with an Aries. FAVE POSITION Always on top and always in charge BEST SEX TOY Handcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge! ARIES MALE IN BED The Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he likes sex fast and furious baby! ARIES FEMALE IN BED She views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but are you man enough to handle her? THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIES If you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their hair is an awesome starting point! And licking and nibbling around their face or neck will get them going too! Just be careful to keep your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool! TAURUS April 21 - May 21 Ruling Planet: VENUS The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness.When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buyflowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly. FAVE POSITION The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable. BEST SEX TOY A battery powered "erotic massager" TAURUS MALE IN BED The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep. TAURUS FEMALE IN BED She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of lovemaking.Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled.Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds. GEMINI May 22 - June 21 Ruling Planet: MERCURY The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultr-extreme raunchy talk Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second.Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for.They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex. FAVE POSITION As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to. BEST SEX TOY Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild, new ideas GEMINI MALE IN BED He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He's a lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy. GEMINI FEMALE IN BED She is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possiblefor her. She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a car.... THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine! Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right.then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working! CANCER June 22 - July 23 Ruling Planet: THE MOON Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water sign's many mood swings! Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual. All Cancers WANT to be parents!Cancers become sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner! FAVE POSITION Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their back with all their sensitive areas exposed! BEST SEX TOY A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab! CANCER MALE IN BED He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild!If the Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!! CANCER FEMALE IN BED She oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman? THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them going.Start by kissing and brushing up against them. Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her, but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her.It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time! LEO July 24 - August 23 Ruling Planet: THE SUN Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system! Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretlyhigh-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show! They like to perform... and they take requests! "Doing it" is the ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance. FAVE POSITION Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced! BEST SEX TOY A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring... or perhaps you can use them both together! LEO MALE IN BED You are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way! You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the effort or you will pad off to your next Lioness!! LEO FEMALE IN BED You are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off most men. You adore raw sex, so your partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a lifetime experience! THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch! After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff! VIRGO August 24 - September 23 Ruling Planet: Mercury The God in charge of intellect and speed... but don't worry because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!! Virgos have two sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want you to THINK they are all sweet and virginal, but they are definitely NOT!However, Virgos are looking for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They tend to seduce with finesse, charm and sublety so you may not even realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed. FAVE POSITION Almost anything, as long as it involves eye contact! BEST SEX TOY It's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality! VIRGO MALE IN BED You can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get u into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen? VIRGO FEMALE IN BED You are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get! You are quite insecure and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to unearth it! THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGO Virgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!! LIBRA September 24 - October 23 Ruling Planet: Venus - The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring sensuality Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else! Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac. Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'd rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want. FAVE POSITION As long as they are lying down, they're happy! BEST SEX TOY K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more! LIBRA MALE IN BED The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate! LIBRA FEMALE IN BED The only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who understands that she needs her individuality and freedom. She is turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath. Good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base.Librans are very good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRA Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay? SCORPIO October 24 - November 22 Ruling Planet: PLUTO, The Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any relationship. Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at another hottie across the room.But they can be relied on to always be there for you if you need them. You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them, Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it out. FAVE POSITION: Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass. BEST SEX TOY: Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys SCORPIO MALE IN BED His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy,you will always be satisfied!! There's a rumor that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing u do that he doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex. Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!! SCORPIO FEMALE IN BED She may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom.Just don't piss her off either, coz she can morevengeful than a Scorpio man, and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other women, or play hard to get, because she will get u back, and it's a game of one-upmanship you will never win. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIO Since this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB. SAGITTARIUS November 23 - December 22 Ruling Planet: JUPITER, God of money, luck and good times between the sheets. Sagos are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT! Don't believe everything they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'.Sagos probably make better friends than lovers, but if you happen to score a one-nighter with them,be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before!Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public. When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned. FAVE POSITION: They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity. BEST SEX TOY: Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next! SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BED Even if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes to him. Think "Austin Powers" baby, yeah! He is a wee bit selfish though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack. He LOVES doing it, and if you start holding out on him, he's likely to get it somewhere else.He will either amaze his partner with his sexual expertise or be absolute trash in bed! SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. But can u handle her open-minded sexuality?She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place! CAPRICORN December 23 - January 20 Ruling Planet: SATURN - The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which means Capricorn can go the distance - with major staying power - in bed and beyond!! Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions, so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money. Like I said before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all night if they want to! FAVE POSITION: Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from behind. BEST SEX TOY: An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the randy goat. CAPRICORN MALE IN BED Imagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so don't expect acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that area too.BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he has committed to you. CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BED She is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel. Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new locations, so experiment with different venues to keep it interesting. THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORN Capricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them up will take a bit of effort. Believe it or not, their erotic area is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to the knee region. Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming

 

Maybe you can see this one better...sorry!

AQUARIUS
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Ruling Planet: URANUS. The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns

Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship, it's the mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on.They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the signs.Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot! Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them.

FAVE POSITION
Mutual masturbation.

BEST SEX TOY
A Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some fun with this.

AQUARIUS MALE IN BED
He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at 5am... he's just not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved. He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life.

AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BED
She's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS
Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most definitely lead to some action!


PISCES

Feb 20 - March 20
Ruling Planet: NEPTUNE
The God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and sexual fantasies

Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands. Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you! When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon. Music also gets them in the mood. One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become very, very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-tale romance that they ruin the happy ending themselves.

FAVE POSITION
Pisces is all about Oral affections!

BEST SEX TOY
A copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything

PISCES MALE IN BED
He is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he can be a bit flighty.But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!

PISCES FEMALE IN BED
She needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol', same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCES
The Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off and lightly massage peppermint oil all over
their feet, paying close attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this! Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one. Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!!


ARIES

March 21-April 20
Ruling Planet: MARS
The bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action!

Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries, so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found paradise with an Aries.

FAVE POSITION
Always on top and always in charge

BEST SEX TOY
Handcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!

ARIES MALE IN BED
The Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he likes sex fast and furious baby!

ARIES FEMALE IN BED
She views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but are you man enough to handle her?

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIES
If you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their hair is an awesome starting point!

And licking and nibbling around their face or neck will get them going too! Just be careful to keep your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!


TAURUS

April 21 - May 21
Ruling Planet: VENUS
The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex

Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness.When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buyflowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly.

FAVE POSITION
The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable.

BEST SEX TOY
A battery powered "erotic massager"

TAURUS MALE IN BED
The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.

TAURUS FEMALE IN BED
She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of lovemaking.Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS
There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled.Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.


GEMINI

May 22 - June 21
Ruling Planet: MERCURY
The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultr-extreme raunchy talk

Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second.Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for.They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant.
A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex.

FAVE POSITION
As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to.

BEST SEX TOY
Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild, new ideas

GEMINI MALE IN BED
He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive.
He's a lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.

GEMINI FEMALE IN BED
She is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possiblefor her. She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a car....

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI
Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine!

Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right.then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!


CANCER

June 22 - July 23
Ruling Planet: THE MOON
Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water sign's many mood swings!

Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual. All Cancers WANT to be parents!Cancers become sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner!

FAVE POSITION
Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!

BEST SEX TOY
A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!

CANCER MALE IN BED
He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild!If the Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!!

CANCER FEMALE IN BED
She oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman?

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER
Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them going.Start by kissing and brushing up against them.
Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her, but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her.It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!


LEO

July 24 - August 23
Ruling Planet: THE SUN
Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!

Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretlyhigh-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show! They like to perform... and they take requests!

"Doing it" is the ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.

FAVE POSITION
Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced!

BEST SEX TOY
A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring... or perhaps you can use them both together!

LEO MALE IN BED
You are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way! You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the effort or you will pad
off to your next Lioness!!

LEO FEMALE IN BED
You are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off most men. You adore raw sex, so your partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a lifetime experience!

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO
A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull.

I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch! After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!


VIRGO

August 24 - September 23
Ruling Planet: Mercury
The God in charge of intellect and speed... but don't worry because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!!

Virgos have two sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want you to THINK they are all sweet and virginal, but they are definitely NOT!However, Virgos are looking for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They tend to seduce with finesse, charm and sublety so you may not even realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.

FAVE POSITION
Almost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!

BEST SEX TOY
It's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!

VIRGO MALE IN BED
You can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get u into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?

VIRGO FEMALE IN BED
You are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get!

You are quite insecure and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to unearth it!

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGO
Virgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!!


LIBRA

September 24 - October 23
Ruling Planet: Venus - The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring sensuality

Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else!

Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac.

Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies.
They'd rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want.

FAVE POSITION
As long as they are lying down, they're happy!

BEST SEX TOY
K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!

LIBRA MALE IN BED
The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate!

LIBRA FEMALE IN BED
The only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who understands that she needs her individuality and freedom.

She is turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath. Good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base.Librans are very good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRA
Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay?


SCORPIO

October 24 - November 22
Ruling Planet: PLUTO, The Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any relationship.

Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at another hottie across the room.But they can be relied on to always be there for you if you need them.

You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them, Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it out.

FAVE POSITION:
Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.

BEST SEX TOY:
Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys

SCORPIO MALE IN BED
His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy,you will always be satisfied!! There's a rumor that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing u do that he doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex.

Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!!

SCORPIO FEMALE IN BED
She may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom.Just don't piss her off either, coz she can morevengeful than a Scorpio man, and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other women, or play hard to get, because she will get u back, and it's a game of one-upmanship you will never win.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIO
Since this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.


SAGITTARIUS

November 23 - December 22
Ruling Planet: JUPITER, God of money, luck and good times between the sheets.

Sagos are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT! Don't believe everything they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'.Sagos probably make better friends than lovers, but if you happen to score a one-nighter with them,be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before!Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public.

When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.

FAVE POSITION:
They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.

BEST SEX TOY:
Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next!

SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BED
Even if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes to him. Think "Austin Powers" baby, yeah!

He is a wee bit selfish though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack. He LOVES doing it,
and if you start holding out on him, he's likely to get it somewhere else.He will either amaze his partner with his sexual expertise or be absolute trash in bed!

SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED
The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. But can u handle her open-minded sexuality?She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her.

She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS
Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place!


CAPRICORN

December 23 - January 20
Ruling Planet: SATURN - The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which means Capricorn can go the distance - with major staying power - in bed and beyond!!

Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions, so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money.

Like I said before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all night if they want to!

FAVE POSITION:
Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from behind.

BEST SEX TOY:
An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the randy goat.

CAPRICORN MALE IN BED
Imagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so don't expect acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that area too.BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he has committed to you.

CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BED
She is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel. Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new locations, so experiment with
different venues to keep it interesting.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORN
Capricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them up will take a bit of effort. Believe it
or not, their erotic area is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to the knee region.
Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming

One of my friends wrote this, and I think it's so beautiful and amazing I wanted to share it.  So sad....but beautiful....

I have cramps!  boooooooo hooooooooo

But, I'm in a good mood.  So I guess if I had to chose, I'll take the good mood.  :)

Anyone else have a freaking hangover and going to work today?

BLAHHHHHHHHHH!!! 

All I can say is wish me luck!  :(

I've posted this one before but I'm posting it again for a certain tree hugger.  ;)

Forget How To Cry

Help me, Lord; I’ve come to see

The ways that I have chosen

Lift me way up to the sky

So I’ll forget how to cry

I will feel the breeze within

It seems that time will begin

To take the track it should have followed

Let me start again tomorrow

How lame it must be to hear a broken record

Just stand up and be qualified

Letting tomorrow take care of today

All we want is to be free

Free yourself from all the pain

From the jealous ones

From the judging ones

Just take yourself to the hills

Kiss the ground, roll around

Be yourself and love Mother Nature

Help yourself to all the love

To the bright side

To the sunshine

Dive into the deep unknown

Burst back up and love our oceans

To the ones who love concrete

May the heavens be with you

2/10/96

From the poem that I wrote earlier which reveals lots of defining moments in my life, someone has suggested that I blog about each "secret" individually.  So here is my first blog about one of the things I mentioned in that poem.....

"I’ve been a witness at a capital murder trial"

When I was about 7 years old, my Mom babysat 5 boys who were all brothers.  They were a rough, poor bunch of kids.  (I had typed all of their names right here, then after reading realized that wouldn't be the best thing to do!  So I omitted that part... ;)  )  Things in my family weren't going so smooth, my stepdad was an alcoholic so it seemed having 5 energetic and troubled boys just added stress to the household.  Sometimes they would do something like pee all over the blankets that they slept on because we would keep them overnight lots of times, and my stepdad would line them up in the front yard and spank them.  It was kind of sad because my stepdad spanked really hard, he used to be a body-builder and it was scary being spanked by him.  (My stepdad later became divorced from my mother and died from liver damage due to drinking his life away....but that's another blog)

Well I'm not sure how many years Mom babysat those boys, we always referred to them as "the five boys", but later after she had stopped, I remembered seeing the oldest one in middle school.  We were never really friends.  He seemed to need attention, he was kinda overweight and got a mohawk and from what it seemed, didn't have many friends.  At some point he was diagnosed with schizophrenia and stabbed someone to death, and went to prison.

Well, about 4 years ago, I was called to testify at his brother's (one of the twins) capital murder trial, in the sentencing phase by the defendant's attorney.  This is so sad and so terrible, but this guy lived in Missouri, and he kidnapped a child out of her own front yard and strangled her.  He was also accused of raping her, but I'm not sure that was ever proven.  It made me sick that I had to be called to testify to try to stop him from getting the death penalty.  But, my mother and I were both subpoenaed to fly to Kansas City, Missouri to testify about the times we knew him as a child. 

At least we got to go together, so we could lean on each other if we needed to.  There was a group of people including a well known principal who was also flown there to testify how poor this family was, and how they never had anything.  Their house was dirty, sometimes they had no electricity, their Momma worked as hard as she could to raise 5 boys on her own.  You know what, who cares....if he would have taken my child and killed him, I can't say I wouldn't want the death penalty!    I had to remember though, just because I was there for that reason, didn't mean I was on his side.  It was so weird.

I'll never forget what it was like to walk in that courtroom.  It was strangly quiet and all eyes were on me, as I was not able to enter the courtroom until I was called to testify.  All I was asked were some questions about my stepdad, and how he spanked the boys, and if I graduated high school, which I didn't.  What difference did that make, I guess some people would judge me over that, I mean I did get my GED, but anyways.....

The boys father has been in prison for most of their life.  The craziest time in the courtroom was when they brought their father in to testify, in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs.  They hadn't seen their dad in years, he had abused them really bad as children and almost killed their mother.  He was a joke, and an animal.  It felt like I was in a movie, or an episode of Law and Order....

There's a lot more to this story, but I'm going to go spend time with my Sweetie and watch Lost!!  To wrap it up, I'll say that we had to spend the night there because of bad weather in DFW.  We went and ate and drank and got drunk, me, my Mom, and a unique blend of people hung out and enjoyed the city, even though it was FREEZING COLD!! It was in December! 

I'm not sure if the guy was put to death.  I think I just wanted to forget about it.  I'm betting he was.  I do find it pretty freaky that those murderers slept under my roof for some time.  :O  But I certainly don't dwell on it!!!    Okay, off I go, have a great night and even better Thankgiving!  :) :) :)

Hugs and Love,

Jen

Damn, I feel fat!!   I had not one, but TWO Thanksgiving meals today!  I know someone else out there has got to feel real full!  LOL 

 It was some delicious foods that our mothers prepared today.  We hung out with family and had a good time.  I'm very thankful, but very full!!   :P

I had some REALLY DELICIOUS fudge that my mom made today!  She got it off of the Oprah show yesterday, it's Rachael Ray's recipe for Five minute fudge and like I said, it's soooooooooooooooooooooo yummy!!  So, I don't have the recipe for you, (if you want it you can go to Oprah's website)  :P   --- but I do have this interesting tidbit I wanted to forward to those of you who haven't seen it.  It worked on me!

I found this quiz off of blademaster777 .  My results leave a tremedous amount of room for improvement.  It's depressing...I'm just also wondering if it's my outlook that is just naturally negative.  Deep down I know I am robbing myself from being fulfilled in all aspects of life. 

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.1
Mind:	4.5
Body:	4.5
Spirit:	4.6
Friends/Family:	5.7
Love:	6.9
Finance:	5.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz